The Whisper at My Side
by JadeHeart
Summary: The presence of our loved ones is just a part of our lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation  
**Warnings:** bad language

**Author's Notes: **Just a little something that turned up whilst I was away working recently.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

The Whisper at My Side

Yuki stretched; arms and legs reaching for the four corners of the bed before he even opened his eyes. He peered through the dim morning light with a slight grimace. Although the curtains filtered most of the sunshine it was still bright enough to make him frown at it in irritation.

He stretched again, feeling joints pop in that satisfying manner, and was tempted to just roll over and go back to sleep. It would be easy enough to do; he could either put his head under a pillow or pull the bedding up to block out the light, enveloping him in a nice comfortable dark cocoon.

He contemplated the thought a little longer, but before he could come to a firm decision he heard the sound of the open bedroom door swing on its hinges and a creak of the floor, drawing a groan from him. Now he had no option but to get up!

"Okay, okay, I'm awake!" he growled as he threw the bedclothes back.

He sat up and raked his fingers through his messy hair, not in any attempt to tame it but to get it out of his eyes. He automatically looked around for his cigarettes and then remembered that he had left them out in the lounge room. Grumbling under his breath, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed to stand. He couldn't be bothered walking all the way out there just yet so he decided to forgo his morning fix and head straight for the bathroom.

"You better not have broken anything!" he snapped, crossing the hall. "And don't bother me!" He scowled down the passage before firmly closing the bathroom door behind him.

Standing under the hot water he vigorously washed his hair. Yes, he definitely needed to get it cut; it was long overdue. He rinsed it thoroughly, pushing it back then, leaving his eyes closed, tilted his head back to let the water rained down over his face. It felt really good and he took a moment to enjoy the decadent luxury of just standing there and wasting water.

He heard a slight sound and raised his voice loudly over the sound of the running liquid. "I thought I told you not to bother me? When are you going to learn to do what you're told? Now get out!"

He listened and heard nothing more; he was obviously alone. He turned and tried to regain his calm but the interruption had shattered his previous almost mediative state, so growling wordlessly under his breath, he reluctantly turned off the water before stepping out of the shower.

He rubbed himself down briskly and returned to the bedroom with the towel wrapped tightly around his waist. As he was entering the room he felt a tugging at the back of the towel where it was stretched taut across his tight buttock cheeks.

"Keep your damn hands to yourself!" he declared, and slammed the door quickly behind him.

He's completely impossible, he thought irritably, pulling out the clothes he intended to wear today. He finished dressing and brushed his hair properly this time, scowling at his reflection. He looked like a damn shaggy dog!

He soon left the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, collecting his cigarettes from the coffee table on his way through and one was already lit and clamped between his lips by the time he reached his intended destination.

He put the coffee on and leant back to enjoy his morning nicotine fix whilst he waited for it to be ready. His eyes fell on the bottles of pills lined up neatly in the middle of the counter. Why that little…! He glared into the living area, opening his mouth to voice his disapproval – loudly - when he let it close with a snap. What was the point? The idiot never listened anyway!

He turned his back on the bottles, fully intending to completely ignore the medication out of pure spite when his stomach gave a familiar nauseating lurch to remind him pointedly of the consequences of his stubbornness if he persisted in it. His lip curled up in disgust. Damn it! He was going to have to do it no matter what he wanted - betrayed by his own body.

As he reluctantly began to unscrew the lids and tip the required number of pills into his hand the curtains in the lounge room lifted immediately letting more of the bright morning light in.

"Leave the damn things alone will you? Just sit down and stop being a pest! You're being fucking annoying!" he said sharply, tossing a couple of the detested pills into his mouth and washing them down quickly with some water.

The curtains fell immediately to return to their original position and, satisfied, he turned to the cupboard to pull a mug out and pour his much needed coffee.

"Ah," he said out loud after the first sip. "That's good! I've got to admit that this brand of coffee that Tohma gave me is pretty damn good."

Yuki topped up his mug and began to head for his study. "Try and stay out of my hair for at least a couple of hours," His voice indicated that he didn't really believe that it would be possible for that to happen. "You know I've got a deadline for today with this book and I couldn't finish it last night, not with that fucking migraine pounding, which means I'm stuck with having to get the last of it done this morning. So keep yourself amused."

He had reached the study door by this time and turned to look back towards the lounge room as he opened it. "And be quiet!" he almost shouted, before firmly closing the door behind him.

He fell into the chair with a sigh. He didn't want to have to be in here working today but he really didn't have any choice. He had hoped that if he pulled his usual all-nighter he would have had it finished by now and today could be spent in blissful slumber, and hopefully uninterrupted peace. Though that last was debatable with his living arrangements.

He clicked his laptop on and continued to smoke while it fired up, sipping his coffee. It really was good coffee; whatever else Tohma was he did have good taste - in many things. The machine flared to life and he quickly called up his latest novel – nearly finished. It was really annoying that the migraine had struck him down last night before he could fully complete it and he now hoped that he would be able to pick up the train of thought that he had been running with and get back into the flow of things.

It irritated him to find he was suffering from migraines more frequently than he used to. Obviously he was getting more susceptible to them the older he got – a thought that only served to raise his ire further. They had certainly increased dramatically for a time there a year ago then they had begun to ease off, but they hadn't gone completely. It looked like they might be something that he was going to have to learn to put up with. That thought didn't please him in the least. He read through the last pages on the screen and then began to type, immersing himself in the story once more.

When he finally finished the last word and leant back with a sigh, eyes still fixed on the screen, he felt a great sense of relief. He reached up and pulled off his glasses, letting them hang from one hand as he brought up his other to pinch the bridge of his nose tiredly. Glancing at the clock in the bottom corner of the computer screen he was surprised to see just how much time had passed by whilst he had been engrossed in his writing. Well, it had been time well spent; he was now finished.

He pushed his chair back, letting it slide on its wheels across the floor so he could stretch out his long legs. He allowed his eyes to drift closed for a moment, feeling the knotted muscles in his shoulders begin to release slowly and a little painfully. As he relaxed his desire for his obsessions grew – nicotine and caffeine. He reached out one long arm to draw his cigarette packet to him, pulling one out and lighting it. It was much lighter than when he had begun typing, the overflowing ashtray testimony to that fact. With a heavy sigh he exhaled before standing, intending now to head for the kitchen to fulfil his second urge.

All was still quiet on the other side of the study door and he was a little surprised at having been left alone and undisturbed for the length of time he had been. Well, he would be thankful for small mercies. He continued on his way towards the kitchen, gazing around the rooms as he walked through. Hmm, no sign. Where had he gone to? All remained silent in the apartment. Yuki mentally shrugged. He'd turn up eventually.

He made a fresh pot of coffee as quickly as possible and could barely control his eagerness for that first sip. Oh, he really needed it! That first mouthful was hot enough to sear the roof of his mouth but he didn't care, he just savoured the buzz of caffeine almost rushing through his veins. Man could live on coffee alone, he thought, taking another sip, a little more carefully than the first. Well, at least along with cigarettes he amended.

He pushed away from the counter he had been leaning against and carried the steaming cup back to his study. He needed to send the completed manuscript off to Mizuki now before she started nagging him. He quickly ensured it was saved securely to his laptop hard drive, as well as a copy burnt to CD as a back up to be safe, and then quickly attached it to a curt email. He pressed the button to send it winging invisibly across the electronic airways and felt more than satisfied once it was done.

Just then there was a knock at his front door, surprising him. His hand paused, cup halfway to his mouth, as he frowned in that direction. Another knock and he put his cup down reluctantly, pushing back his chair and making his way out of the study to answer it. Opening the door he saw Tohma standing on the other side. Ah, of course, he thought as he remembered what day it was. In light of that revelation he would have been surprised if it had been anyone else really. Not that it made him any happier to see his brother-in-law.

"Are you ready?" Tohma said with a small smile, though his eyes looked sad.

Yuki scowled at him and turned his back, walking away yet leaving the door open through which Tohma now entered and followed him. He thrust his hands into his pocket, biting down hard on the cigarette clasped between his teeth, turning to frown at his visitor.

"I don't know why you bothered coming here," he growled.

Tohma tipped his head to one side to view Yuki seriously. "It's been one year," he said softly.

"That's no reason to do this." Yuki lifted a hand to remove the cigarette, blowing the smoke away and making no other move.

Tohma sighed and perched on the arm of the couch. "It is the best thing for you to do. Your therapist thinks so too. You have been doing so well lately."

"Humph!" Yuki snorted, not looking any happier with this information.

Tohma gave another sigh and stood, extending his hand to Yuki. "You know that the sooner this is over, the better it will be for you," he said. "It will do you good to do this."

"How do you know what's good for me?" Yuki accused.

"I don't," Tohma replied calmly, not taking any offence at Yuki's antagonistic question. "But I do know that you have never coped well if you keep things to yourself and not face them."

Yuki's scowl deepened, brows drawn down, glaring at Tohma before he angrily stubbed out his cigarette with low wordless snarl. He reached out to snag his jacket from the chair it had been thrown carelessly across then stalked to the door, every line of his body radiating his irritation.

"Well, come on!" he growled, not turning. "Let's get this crap over with."

Tohma didn't say anything, just ensured that the door locked securely behind him as he followed Yuki down the stairs.

"So who's going to be at this 'dog-and-pony' show?" Yuki grouched, looking out the window as Tohma drove.

"I don't really know," Tohma replied honestly.

"Mika and Tatsuha?" Yuki queried.

Tohma shook his head, "No, they said to see them afterwards. Will you?"

Yuki shrugged. "Maybe," was all he was willing to commit to.

Tohma pulled up at their destination and Yuki had opened the door and was alighting before he had even turned the engine off.

Yuki looked over at the building before them, the slanted rooves and tiles catching the midday sun, the tree lined pathways beyond the open doors visible as they led visitors through the grounds. A rustle in the branches made him raise his head to view the swaying trees above, moving in response to the wind as it picked up. He stood in silence for a moment just watching. Tohma remained where he stood on the other side of the car, not disturbing his contemplation.

Finally he dropped his eyes and stepped away from the vehicle, stretching his long legs and covering the distance in ground-eating strides, ignoring the fact that Tohma would have to almost run to try and not only catch up, but keep up. But that didn't make him slow down.

He knew where Tohma expected him to go and so he made his way there, ignoring the perverse thought that tried to tell him to just go somewhere completely different and leave Tohma searching frantically for him. That was just his cruel streak trying to break out, which it still did every now and then. He grimaced to himself and kept walking, ensuring his feet remained on the path it should and not deviate as a part of him wanted to.

It didn't take him long to reach his intended objective and he stopped. He had no qualms about being here now; it was nothing more than a place like any other; no more, no less. It held no special meaning any longer for him. Not now.

He gazed down to clinically view the various images and shapes assembled before him. The falling leaves of autumn had blown across portions of the erection but he felt no urge to clear it away. It would be a pointless exercise as far as he was concerned.

He was still irritated that Tohma had insisted on coming here today. He hadn't wanted to and he saw little point to it, but he had also known that if he hadn't come he would never have heard the end of it, or got rid of Tohma's overprotective presence.

Nor would he hear the end of the ongoing dramatics that would arise with his therapist if he refused, and he didn't need that aggravation in his life again. Not after finally being able to convince her that he was no longer a danger to himself or to anyone else. And that he wasn't completely crazy either. He learnt quickly at the very beginning that it was so much better for him to just keep certain particulars to himself and not even attempt to raise them with her. After getting her to finally agree that he was 'cured', he didn't need for any doubts to be cast on his state of mind now. Not after he had gone to such lengths to convince everyone otherwise and get them off his back. The overly concerned attitudes from so many people had grated on him.

He continued to look down, eyes moving across everything, noting every little detail in a distant analytical manner and then sniffed in sardonic humour. This was really quite funny - in a totally macabre manner.

A soft scuff at his side heralded the arrival of someone and he turned his head to see Tohma there. He didn't look flustered in any way, not even a sheen of sweat on his unlined brow from his exertions; and he would have had to exert himself to have caught up with Yuki so quickly.

"It's hard to believe that it has been a year," Tohma said quietly, his soft voice blending perfectly with their tranquil surroundings. "It truly doesn't seem that long."

Yuki said nothing, simply reaching into his pocket to draw out his cigarettes. Tohma knelt down and laid some flowers on the marble, gently brushing some of the dead leaves aside. He held out his hand and Yuki handed over his lighter with an irritated sigh, and watched as, with great care, Tohma lit the incense sticks he had brought with him and then placed in the receptacle, observing the smoke curl upwards.

"I still find myself expecting to see or hear him," Tohma said softly, "As though he is still here in some way."

You have no idea, Yuki thought, continuing to smoke. He felt a soft touch across the back of his hand as it hung by his side as though in reassurance.

"Can we go now?" he said abruptly, turning and walking away, pushing both hands into the pockets of his jacket.

Tohma turned his head to watch as Yuki quickly disappeared behind the other monuments. He didn't worry that Yuki would leave without him. He had the keys to the car and Yuki wasn't in such a pigheaded mood that he would just up and get a taxi to leave, so he didn't rush in rising to his feet and straightening his coat and hat. He cast one last glance at the tombstone and a wry smile touched his lips.

"As you can see Eiri is doing so much better now; better than I could have hoped. It was very worrying for a time but it seems to have resolved itself finally. I don't know what the turning point was. I guess you're the only one who would know the answer to that."

A gentle breeze made his hair shift across his cheek like the touch of a hand lightly brushing the skin. He started a little at the soft touch then shook off the feeling.

"Well," he directed to the silent stones. "I had better go and find Eiri before he really does decide to do something irresponsible." He reached down to lightly run his hand over the name engraved there, tracing the letters with his fingertips, a small smile still on his face. "Be at peace." Then he stood and turned his back to walk away.

Another breeze gusted through the area, lifting some dried leaves from the path, spinning them around and making them twirl and dance on its currents, carried along in its wake. The leaves brushed against the stone settling lightly around the flowers resting there, a few petals being knocked from their place to fall lying around the engraved letters, almost framing the name that was written there.

Shuichi Shindou.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation  
**Warnings:** Please be aware there is a small portion in this chapter that is of a sexual nature. It's isn't overly graphic so I didn't think it needed to be edited out. However if you are at all upset by such things please either don't read or skip that portion.

**Author's Notes: **This wasn't intended to go any further than chapter 1 – but the little muse decided there was something more it wanted to play with. Thank you to DemonicDragon666, ren'ai-iki and Beevosteethos for the reviews.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

The Whisper at My Side: Chapter 2

He heard the soft voice then, nothing more than a whisper, words barely made out as though they were coming from a long, long distance.

"It's time…."

He looked around, uncertain of the meaning. "Time?" he queried. "What do you mean?"

"Time to go…." came the reply.

He felt his heart clench and his hands automatically reached out even though there was nothing for him to touch, reaching, searching, desperately grasping. "No!" he said forcefully. "You can't!"

"It's time…." The whisper came to him again, sounding even further away if that was even possible.

"NO!" he all but screamed, falling to his knees. "Don't leave me! You can't leave me!"

"You'll be all right…"

He slammed his hands to the floor, head hanging down, eyes screwed shut as tears rained on the wooden boards below. "How can you say that!" he cried. "I won't be! I won't! You can't leave me here on my own!"

He felt his hair move as though a ghostly hand was stroking his head soothingly. He lifted his tear-streaked face and the soft touch transferred to his wet cheek just briefly before it was gone.

"Wait for me…." The almost subliminal voice said. "Promise me…."

"What do you mean?" he said, looking around him almost frantically. "How can I wait for you? I need to go to you!"

"No….." The voice was suddenly stronger, louder, as though it may have been shouted even though from a great distance. "Wait for me…."

"I don't understand!" Yuki almost wailed, hands clenched into fists resting on his thighs, tears still dripping down his face. "I don't understand what you mean!"

"Promise me……." The ghostly voice was faint again. "Promise you will wait…."

Yuki was confused, his mind running in circles at this unexpected turn. Shuichi had never spoken this much before. It had taken a long time before he had spoken at all, and when he did it had generally been only one word, anymore had seemed to be too much of an effort on the spirit. This verbosity he was exhibiting now was unusual – and because of that completely unnerving.

On top of that, what he was saying now was terrifying Yuki. What did he mean he was going! He didn't understand at all. These past two years had been both the best and the worst in his life. The worst because he had lost his love in a stupid, freakish accident, seeing his whole life ripped away from him in a blinding moment on TV. He hadn't even been there at the time. It had all been completely surreal and distancing as though it was happening to someone else or nothing more than a movie that he was watching, something completely make-believe.

Until the body of his lover was returned to him in a box.

The time that followed after; the funeral preparations, the media attention, the sympathies of friends and strangers, the emptiness that filled his every moment both waking and sleeping, that had gone on for months and he had spent that time in nothing more than a haze, filled with alcohol and medication and just plain shock. Most of it was mercifully blurred, dulled by his instantaneous withdrawal from reality, his desire to just not be there.

He had tried to leave this world a couple of times – half-heartedly admittedly, more because he really wasn't in any fit state to be thinking coherently and so be able to pull it off successfully. If he had been just a little more 'with it' at the time he would have succeeded but his own incompetence prevented that and each time he was saved.

His family and friends had kept a very close eye on him right from the start, even though most of the time he hadn't been aware of it. Later on he came to know that Tohma had even stayed in the apartment with him for weeks just after the incident but he honestly couldn't even recall that. He must have been living through that time like nothing more than an automaton, a cybernetic organism with no thinking mind of its own.

What had pulled him from that living hell had been something so sudden and unexpected that it had been completely unbelievable. He hadn't recognized it at first, he hadn't noticed the slight changes happening around him, or if he did, he wasn't able to comprehend them. It was actually little comments that Tohma mostly made, comments about things being moved slightly in rooms where Yuki hadn't been, the general feeling in the apartment getting brighter as though the dark heaviness of despair that had clouded the premises were slowly being pushed away.

He hadn't taken notice of any of that at first, but soon it was enough to penetrate even his wall of indifference and grief. Then he, of course, recognized it immediately. The 'feeling' that Tohma had mentioned - the brightness - that he knew only too well. It was the exact same thing that had happened all those years ago when an annoying, idiotic, hyperactive brat suddenly turned up on his doorstep, moved in, and entrenched himself permanently in Yuki's life. There was no mistaking it – it was Shuichi.

He had thought he was crazy then. His grief, sorrow and loss had truly made him mad, he was quite sure of it. What other explanation was there? He didn't believe in the unexplainable despite having a monk for a father and an annoying younger brother as the same. Yuki had thrown all of that aside many, many years ago. Even though he still followed his faith it had always been more of a case of going through the motions. He knew that he was beyond saving, not after what he had done, so what was the point of 'believing'?

So he was certain that he had finally cracked. He supposed it was a fitting end in a way. The famous Eiri Yuki, novelist, ending his days in a nuthouse. What more degrading, humiliating and shameful end could there be?

But then there were other things. It wasn't just the change in the atmosphere as though Shuichi was back, it was followed by other changes; the little things that Tohma had noticed first. Now he would find his cigarette packet moved slightly, or his lighter pushed closer to it so they were side by side instead of at opposite ends of the table, hot water would be boiling waiting for him to make coffee, he would see doors pushed open, the creaking of the floor as silent steps followed him.

He had still thought he was crazy, really crazy, but then he began to wonder. If Tohma was noticing these things also did that make Tohma crazy too? Well, he knew there were plenty of people who would immediately agree with that assessment – though they would never dare even _think_ such a thing around Tohma Seguich himself! Tohma was crazy, in a very different way – a cold, ruthless, business-driven way and you did not get in the way of that! So putting semantics aside, no, Tohma probably wasn't crazy, so if he was commented on things being moved and shifted then that meant that they were actually happening. And since Yuki was noticing the same things, then the only conclusion he could come to was that he too wasn't crazy after all. That thought in itself made him think he had to be crazy!

What was he thinking? That there was a ghost? That Shuichi had come back to him? That sort of thing didn't happen as far as he believed now. That was stupid, completely idiotic - and therefore probably exactly the sort of thing that that moron would do!

He had spent weeks trying to figure this out. Was he crazy, was he not? What was crazy? He was going to send himself mad just trying to think about it. He finally couldn't take it any longer – the uncertainty, the not-knowing, the trying to ignore what was occurring around him, so he tried talking to whatever was out there, if there was anything.

He didn't get any response, at least not verbally, and he had shrugged his shoulders angrily, feeing embarrassed and stupid, and just as grief-stricken for thinking for even a moment that even some small part of his lover was still with him. He was the moron. Why couldn't he just accept he had been left behind?

And that was the thought that had torn him apart – that he had been left behind, that Shuichi had moved on without him and hadn't taken him along. That Shuichi didn't need him with him. That thought had almost broken him all over again.

It was then that he had felt the first touch. It was nothing more than a slight pressure, the briefest of touches, a fleeting contact which was then gone so quickly he was sure he had imagined it. Then it had returned, slightly firmer. He had sat frozen on the couch, not daring to move, even holding his breath as the unseen hand cupped the side of his face.

He closed his eyes then, leaning his head back, feeling a shiver run up and down his spine. Was he imagining this, he wondered desperately, was he truly mad? The touch shifted and with his eyes closed Yuki could feel the sensation of a slender finger trailing down the bridge of his nose to its tip. It left at that point, only to return a moment later to his other cheek, gentle fingertips slowly drawing over his skin that felt so hot as though he was fevered.

He kept his eyes closed, desperately holding himself back from leaning into that, oh, so familiar touch. The hand traced every contour of his face; his eyebrows, his forehead, his long fringe being gently shifted out of the way, his cheekbones, his nose, the hollows under his eyes, over his eyelids. They drew softly along his jawbone to the tip of his chin and then lastly to his lips, gently tracing their outline so lightly that it was ticklish. He couldn't help speaking then, it was all just too familiar.

"That tickles," he said, flicking his tongue out to lick his lips and ease the irritation.

The touch had ceased immediately and he held his breath. This was the test now as to whether he was really insane. He still kept his eyes close as he spoke again. "But it's still nice."

He waited then, remaining perfectly still, not changing his pose in anyway. Nothing. Then, just when he was beginning to truly despair, the soft touch returned and touched his newly moistened lips, sliding over them more smoothly and in a sensual touch that went straight to Yuki's groin, and straight to his heart.

He wept then, slow tears dribbling from the corners of his eyes to slide into his hairline. That gentle touch wasn't just his imagination, it wasn't. Shuichi was here, it was him he was completely certain. He knew that touch and there was no-one and nothing that could duplicate that. He had come back to him! He continued to silently weep.

He had felt that gentle touch capture a tear as it fell followed by the feel of a soft kiss that was placed on his temple. He moved then, unable to remain still any longer. He had turned and curled up in a ball on the couch and cried his eyes out, and all the time he felt two thin arms wrapped around him comforting.

Tohma and Mika had insisted almost from the start that he go to a therapist once he seemed to be back in the land of the living, although he still had moved in a daze at that time. When all this had happened he had tried speaking to her about his belief that Shuichi was back with him. For all that she was a Buddhist also she was more entrenched in the Western view of the lack of spirits and had looked at him in something akin to horror before prescribing some stronger drugs to stop the hallucinations and delusions. He hadn't tried to speak about it again, especially as she had sicced Tohma onto his case, having called him to say that Yuki was suffering from extreme denial and this would lead to a complete downward spiral of his well-being.

He learnt later that she had omitted to tell Tohma that this was based on Yuki's belief that Shuichi had returned to him. Tohma had said after that if he had known about that he might have approached things differently. Although Tohma was an extremely pragmatic man and lived well and truly in the here and now, he was not completely cut off from the spiritual world and would have at least entertained the possibility if he had had the facts given to him. He had scolded Yuki quite firmly for not having broached the subject with him earlier so they could have avoided a lot of unpleasantness for everyone.

Yuki had grumbled over that but he had to admit that Tohma was probably right – as usual. He always seemed to underestimate his brother-in-law for some reason, even when he had seen over and over again just what he could do. It was a failing on his part – and he had to laugh a little as Shuichi had always seemed to be more in tune with Tohma than he had been. Perhaps it had something to do with their love of music and working in the same industry? Who knows, it was just the way it was.

Anyway, he hadn't told Tohma and, after the way the psych had reacted to his revelation, he hadn't told anyone else during that first year.

It was a strange living arrangement that he and Shuichi then had. Shuichi wasn't there all the time, he was soon able to tell that, there was a 'lack' of his presence at times. Where he went, Yuki had no idea. Where do wandering spirits go when they're not bugging the person they've come back to see? Is there a spirit club that they all gather at to have a drink and chat during some downtime? That image was enough to make him raise eyebrows and snort.

Or did Shuichi go off to some spirit studio to continue his music career? Did someone have to write the music for a heavenly choir? Again a disturbing image arose of the western version of angels all decked out in wings, white smocks and glowing halos lined up on fluffy clouds, but instead of harps there were guitars, drums, and keyboards. And front and centre was an angelic Shuichi, gown hiked up provocatively high showing one gleaming thigh and almost completely see-through, belting out the chorus of Rage Beat. This time Yuki shook his head almost violently – scary, scary, scary! If he hadn't been mad before then images like that would be enough to send him right over the edge!

So he didn't know where Shuichi went to when he wasn't there. Most of the time he was present but not all the time, and fortunately he was never away long which eased Yuki's mind. At the beginning he had been so completely paranoid that whenever he no longer felt Shuichi's presence that he feared he wouldn't be coming back, that that would be the last time he would see, or in this case, feel him. It had taken him a long time to accept that Shuichi would come back and to just patiently wait for his return. Shuichi had seemed to sense his anxiety over his absences and had seemed to try and limit them in the early days, and certainly always make certain he was there whenever Yuki returned home after being out.

He had never seen Shuichi. The youth didn't appear as any kind of hazy apparition or such, nor had he heard him speak – it was just his presence. The lack of speech was probably a god-send in a way Yuki couldn't help thinking at times, remembering the annoying whine that his partner would often use, usually when he really wanted something, as a way to make Yuki give in. And most times it had worked too. Now Yuki thought about it, he realized that Shuichi had often 'played' him during their time together. He had known exactly what buttons to push to get a response, and most of the times it was a response he wanted.

Yuki smiled at that thought. It might have taken them a while to get to that stage of knowing each other so well but they had made it. Not too many couples could say that.

They had fallen into a kind of routine then. They did the same things they used to, Shuichi was just as annoying at times as he always had been; the only difference was that Yuki didn't have to listen to that irritating voice with its demands, but Shuichi had the advantage in that Yuki couldn't see where he was. So he guessed that it balanced out for both of them.

It had been a big adjustment still at the beginning. Just because he suddenly realised that Shuichi was back in his life, albeit only in a ghostly way, it wasn't like it was smooth sailing. It took some alterations for him to get used to that absence of 'body'. He would sense Shuichi but it was completely unnerving to not be able to 'see' him. He still expected to at the beginning, and it had taken him a long time to be able to train his own mind to accept that the 'physical' wasn't there. Until he could do that, every time he turned and saw nothing he felt a stab through his heart all over again, that agonizing ache of loss. Once he was finally able to accept the physical was no longer present that feeling had eased and it no longer bothered him.

It was also sort of funny in a way - Shuichi was just as annoying as a spirit as he had been in real life sometimes. All the little things that had bugged Yuki when he had been alive, he learnt still bugged him now the brat was dead! He didn't take him long to get over feeling stupid for yelling at thin air!

But for all that they had settled into a comfortable pattern, just the two of them going about their day, acting in many ways as though nothing had happened at all. If he was insane then Yuki had no intention of being cured. This suited him just fine.

He even had a sex life, as bizarre as that seemed. It wasn't as satisfying as it had been when Shuichi had been flesh and blood, nothing could replace that warm soft body moulding to his, the heat and sweat, the sound of moans and grunts, or the cry of pleasure. No, nothing could replace that, but Shuichi's touch was just as exciting to him, and his body automatically responded.

The first time had been unexpected. Shuichi had never entered the bedroom, Yuki had never felt him in there so one hot night as he had lay there on the bed, naked and spread-eagled trying to get to sleep, he had been surprised to hear the door pushed open wider and Shuichi's definitive presence enter. He automatically turned his head although he knew he would see nothing, but even though his eyes could discern no person, his other senses knew that the youth had drawn closer.

He started a little as that ghostly touch settled on his chest, slowly moving down his sternum to his abdomen and then back up, a soft and slow stroking motion. It moved wider to run down his sides, over his ribs, down lower to touch his hip bones and then back up again. A quiver shook him. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him like this, such a long time.

The touch continued, this time in the upwards motion rubbing over his already erect nipples making him gasp in response, before biting his lip to keep his voice inside. The quiver through his body was getting stronger, his breathing more ragged - the touch continued.

He couldn't prevent his eyes drifting shut as his nipples were gently teased, coaxed into full hardness, sending bursts of fire into another portion of his body with every touch. He could feel his erection resting on his stomach twitching in response, aching, beginning to drip. His body was screaming out for release, desiring fulfillment, demanding its due.

The ghostly hands roamed all over his body; his torso, his arms, tickling the soft skin on the underside of each; down his long, firm legs, kneading the soft inside of his thighs, climbing over his hips and pressing down on his stomach, all over except for the point that he most wanted them to touch.

He moaned, unable to restrain it, and moaned again as he writhed on the bed. There was nothing for him to grab, nothing for him to hold onto. If there had been he would have thrown that smaller form down on the bed and ravaged him fully and thoroughly until he was sated - but he couldn't do that. All he could do was moan and crave and he knew soon that he would be begging because he desired this so badly, he needed this so badly.

Shuichi seemed to take pity on him then and saved him from that embarrassment as those unseen hands finally wrapped around his weeping erection, enclosing it in a firm grip and began to stroke him. He threw his head back and arched into that touch, his body automatically responding with a wild abandon he had probably never shown previously, and be damned as to how shameless he must seem. He didn't care how wanton or slutty he looked, he just wanted that touch.

He wasn't trying to hold his voice in any longer; he moaned, he groaned, he cried, he begged, he pleaded, he cursed, he demanded, he urged. Urged his ghostly lover on, urged him to take him higher and Shuichi seemed only too eager to abide. Yuki let Shuichi take him wherever he wished to. He left him to dictate the pace even when it drove him almost mad with desire. He let Shuichi completely control the act and he allowed himself to experience it wholly with every part of his being.

As the motion increased, as the heat and friction grew (and how could insubstantial hands provide friction, he wondered absently in the back of his mind before the thought was blown away with a wave of intense pleasure), he felt that familiar tingling beginning deep in his belly. It grew, climbing, building, growing, feeding on the flames of desire that were flooding through his entire body. When he came, he screamed out a name; not caring about the neighbours, not caring who heard or what they thought, it was a name called out for one person and one person alone – Shuichi.

And with the cry came that tightening and drawing from his very toes, through every portion of his body all culminating in one place as he came in fountaining spurts across his stomach and chest, with spatters reaching to his chin.

As the last shuddering jerk left him, he collapsed, folding within himself, every muscle lax and limp, yet still shaking from the intensity and exertion. He could feel sweat prickling in his eyes and his hair sticking to his forehead. He felt the hair lift a little and what could only have been a light kiss touch his brow.

He was too tired to move, too tired to get up and clean himself off or even open his eyes. He rolled onto his side wishing that a small body was by him to wrap his arms around when he sensed a pressure against his back and warmth encompassing him. He sighed, pushing back just a little, feeling a smile tug at his lips, even though it had a tinge of sadness.

"Goodnight," he had whispered into the darkness and felt lips brush against his shoulder as he fell into sleep.

So they had actually continued on with an almost 'normal' relationship; they still argued, they still had sex, they still irritated each other (more than once Shuichi would slam a door to voice his displeasure), they just kept on with life just as they always had done.

It was almost fourteen months after the accident that Yuki's life took on another twist. He had unexpectedly been descended upon by his family, Tohma, Mika and Tatsuha, an event that hadn't occurred very often, at least not all of them together, not since the very beginning after the dreadful news. He hadn't been particularly pleased this time at the intrusion either but as Tohma insisted on doing all the cooking and he had had to do nothing but sit back and watch, he decided he wasn't going to complain, at least not too loudly. Despite everything else that Tohma was, he was a damn good cook and Yuki wasn't going to pass up a free meal that far exceeded any take-away that he could have ordered.

It hadn't taken long for the meal to be ready, by which time Mika had elegantly set the table, being able to arrange Yuki's meager belongings into something that appeared to be quite elegant. She had a real flare for that sort of thing and even Yuki was impressed at what she had done – not that he was going to tell her that.

He had remained quiet most of the time, just listening to Mika and Tatsuha bicker at each other as Mika tried to boss her younger brother around and he obstinately refused to obey, purely out of habit. Yuki was fully aware that it was really just a game between the two of them, a pattern that they fell comfortably into which would never result in hard feelings or real animosity. It was something that he and Mika had begun to build as well once he had met Shuichi and learnt to come to terms with aspects of his past. His relationship with Tatsuha had always been pretty easy going, although he still considered his younger brother an idiot half the time and a pervert the rest of it. Some things don't change.

It was half way through the meal when Yuki had sensed that Shuichi was present, a fact that surprised him as generally he was absent when other people were around. It was then that he noticed that Tatsuha was frozen in the same pose as he, chopsticks halfway to the mouth. Their eyes met and he saw Tatsuha's narrow and then widen before he slowly lowered his eating utensils, never breaking eye contact with his older brother.

"There's a spirit here," he said clearly, no trace of his usual frivolity in his voice.

Mika and Tohma also paused in their eating, glancing towards him and then to Yuki who sat just as still.

"Tats?" Mika questioned, looking at her two brothers with concern.

Tatsuha slowly stood, still looking down at Yuki. "I can feel a presence."

Damn it! Yuki screamed in his mind although he kept his face impassive. Get out of here, Shuichi! Why the hell did you come back? You know what Tatsuha is! There as no answer of course, but he could still feel Shuichi nearby.

Tatsuha looked around the room now, eyes narrowed as though he were able to peer through this reality to the realm beyond.

Mika glanced behind her a little nervously. "What is it?" she half whispered.

"It's nothing!" Yuki snarled finding his voice and glaring at his three guests. "Forget it."

Tatsuha left the table and began to circle the room. Yuki watched him carefully. Get out, Shuichi, he kept screaming, not understanding why his lover was remaining here with such danger. Tatsuha was quite capable of performing an exorcism and he didn't want Shuichi banished from his life.

"There is definitely another's presence here," Tatsuha looked over towards the still seated occupants, "and it's very strong."

"Why would that be?" Tohma's quiet voice asked, expressing nothing more than mild curiousity.

Tatsuha paused, closing his eyes and holding his hands out before him as though trying to touch something. "It generally means that the spirit had a strong connection to this place or the people here. Or there is something very important for them to be doing. Or," and he paused, opening his eyes and letting his arms fall. "Or I know them very well."

He turned then to face Yuki, understanding dawning in his eyes as well as a little disbelief. "It's Shuichi!" His whisper was louder than any shout.

Complete silence settled in the room. Yuki ground his teeth, not knowing if he wanted to throw himself at his brother and strangle him on the spot to prevent him from causing any harm to Shuichi, or cheer that someone else actually knew the truth. And deep in the back of his mind was a little surge of relief at this affirmation that in all this time he truly wasn't crazy.

Mika's gasp broke the silence, along with a clatter as she knocked a glass over. Tohma's chair scraped as he stood to come to her side immediately. Yuki flicked a glance quickly towards her to see her face dead white, staring at Tatsuha in shock at his announcement. Her bottom lip quivered, whether in fear or some other emotion he didn't know. Tohma on the other hand seemed completely unsurprised as though he had half suspected it and this was merely confirming that thought. Yuki snorted quietly as he turned back to Tatsuha. He wasn't surprised that it came as no startling revelation to Tohma. Nothing ever seemed to.

Tatsuha was still looking at him, his eyes questioning, asking for his answer. Yuki finally gave a deep sigh and stood, moving directly to find his cigarettes and lighting one, drawing on it deeply. Well, he thought, what should I do? He felt a light brush on his unoccupied hand as though a smaller one was sliding into its grip. Okay, he thought back to his ghostly partner, if you think so. I hope you know what you're doing though.

He exhaled, clearing his lungs so he could talk properly. "You're right," he said calmly. "It's Shuichi."

"But how?" Mika exclaimed. She was still quite pale but beginning to gain a little more control. He walked over and held out the cigarettes which she immediately took one, even though they were stronger than her usual brand. Tohma solicitously lit it for her. Yuki was pleased to see that her hands weren't shaking. It would take more than talk of spirits to completely scare his sister, she was too strong for that. That strength was always something Yuki had admired in her – even if it also sometimes pissed him off.

He shrugged as he made his way over to Tatsuha, offering the cigarettes once more. Again it was accepted without a word. Tohma didn't smoke so he didn't even bother making the offer there.

"About six months after," he said.

There was silence for a while as they all digested this information, only the sound of inhale and exhale breaking the stillness.

"Ah, so that is what your therapist was speaking about." Tohma finally said.

Yuki grimaced. "Yeah. She thought I was nuts."

"I would have thought you were nuts." Tatsuha said.

Yuki scowled at him. "You're supposed to believe in this sort of stuff." he said.

Tatsuha shrugged and headed back to his chair. "Sure I do, but I've never felt him around before."

Yuki, too, returned to his seat. "Usually he makes himself scarce when other people are here."

"So why is he here tonight?"

Yuki shrugged with no little annoyance. "No idea," he huffed. "The brat's still always causing trouble!"

Mika couldn't stop the short laugh. "You sound just like you always do, complaining about him."

Yuki glared at her. "Because not a lot has really changed since he came back," he snapped. "Just becoming dead hasn't made him a saint, believe me!"

Tohma smiled as Tatsuha just laughed. "I can't believe this," he said, looking around the room. "This really is crazy." He looked over at Tohma. "Did you put some sort of 'magic mushrooms' in that meal or something?"

Tohma held up his hands with a smile, indicating his innocence. "You can't blame me for this one." he said. "My guess would be that if Shuichi is present this evening it is because he wished to be." He looked over at Yuki. "Which would seem to indicate that he felt it was time perhaps to let other people be aware that he is here?"

Yuki refused to answer. Perhaps that was it. Shuichi would have known that if anyone was going to pick up on his presence it would be Tatsuha so maybe he had done it deliberately. A gentle touch to his cheek seemed to confirm this thought but he still couldn't stop his head from turning and frowning at the empty air by his side.

"Hey, is he next to you?" Tatsuha suddenly said, watching Yuki intently.

"Ah…" Yuki was loathe to say anything at first and then just shrugged and replied, "Yeah, at least a minute ago he was."

Tatsuha leant forward and held out a hand, an expression of concentration on his face. "He's still there I think. I can feel a of energy right there."

Interesting, Yuki thought, watching his younger brother. He hadn't often seen Tatsuha doing any of his religious duties so it was a little bit of a revelation to watch.

"So what are you going to do?" he queried him.

Tatsuha looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

Yuki waved his hand before him. "Are you going to do your 'hocus pocus' and make him go poof?""

"You mean an exorcism?"

"Yeah,"

Tatsuha shook his head, chewing on his lip. "By rights I should," Yuki couldn't help but tense up. "But I'm not feeling any kind of hostility or evil, or even a sense of despair or wanting release. It seems that he's quite happy to just be here. He doesn't cause any problems?"

"Course he does, he's still a brat!"

Tatsuha rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant," he said. "I mean does he break things, throw stuff around, try to harm you or others?"

Yuki stared at him in amusement. "You're talking about someone who cries because he can't find his ipod!"

"Yeah, yeah, I gather that's a 'no' then. Okay, he's obviously not some sort of vengeful spirit," Tatsuha couldn't resist sneaking a look in Tohma's direction. If anyone was going to feel Shuichi's wrath it would probably be him. Though, then again, even a spirit probably wouldn't be game to take on Tohma Seguich!

"Anyway, it also doesn't seem that he's feeding on your negative energy or ensuring to keep you miserable to do so as you seem to have been doing better and better all the time. So I guess that means that the only reason he's here is that he wants to be, and for some reason the gods are letting him." Tatsuha turned very serious then as he looked at Yuki. "That is unusual in itself you know. It's not up to us to dictate to the gods where we go after death, that's their choice. So he must only be here with their blessing, and they don't usually do that for no reason."

Yuki shrugged, "Well, I don't know what it is. I don't know of any 'higher plan' that they might have in mind for the idiot. Maybe they just didn't want him anywhere else where he could cause trouble!" Yuki felt the air around him move as though someone took at swing at him and the temperature seemed to drop a degree or two for a moment.

Tatsuha's lips twitched in amusement. "I think you just pissed him off!" he said with a chuckle.

"So that…..temperature change just then was Shuichi?" Mika said suddenly after having remained silent for some time. Yuki and Tatsuha both looked over at her in surprise. "What!" she demanded, glaring at them both. "I'm the daughter of a monk remember?" she said, snorting at their stupidity. "Do you think that I'm not aware of some things like this? Idiots!" she finished with, settling back in her chair.

Tohma was smiling broadly. "Well, that does explain a few things." he said, picking up his wine glass. "I think Shuichi has been trying to indicate his presence to me for some time now and I was being a little obstinate in acknowledging him."

"Really?" Tatsuha queried whilst Mika threw a quick glance at her husband.

Tohma took a swallow. "Yes. I had noticed that things seemed different in the apartment, and when we went to the memorial recently I thought someone had touched me." He shrugged. "I had brushed it off at the time and thought it was just my imagination."

"You don't have one," Yuki said shortly.

Tohma tipped his head to one side and just met Yuki's gaze evenly. "Which is why I passed it off. Think how terrifying it would be if I gained such a thing."

He managed to say that with an entirely straight face which was what surprised Yuki more than anything else. He felt Shuichi's presence give a burst of warmth that seemed to jiggle, whilst Tatsuha let out a burst of laughter.

"I can tell you now that Shuichi thinks that is just hilarious!" he said, picking his beer up and taking a long swallow. He turned to Yuki. "You know, this is really cool! I've never known someone to have a benign ghost in their house, and one that seems to be able to interact so closely with the living. Usually those are the bad, scary sort and they just give me the creeps." His smile suddenly broadened. "That means that I've got someone to watch my Nittle Grasper videos with!"

Yuki groaned even as he felt Shuichi's excitement. Ah, hell, he's never going to get any peace now. Why did Shuichi want to reveal his presence to his family? He was never going to get rid of Tatsuha at this rate!

"Hmm," Tohma murmured then, "That is an interesting thought. I have a number of new bands that are slightly promising but they need work on their song writing skills. Shuichi would be able to assist in that by giving some indication if he felt they would be capturing the right market or not. That was one of his better abilities – one of the few." That just made Yuki groan again. And now he was going to have Tohma too!

He picked up his beer and downed it completely, before standing to get another. He intended to drown his sorrows well and truly tonight for he could see his life rapidly descending into hell from here on. Behind him Tatsuha and Tohma were already arguing about how to split Shuichi's time and work out a simple way to communicate with his partner. Idiots, he thought to himself, grabbing a beer from the fridge and opening it.

"I'm glad, you know," Mika's quiet voice made him turn. She had come over to deposit the dirty plates in the sink. "I'm glad he's still here. We've all missed him. You most of all." She smiled at him then. "I should have guessed that something like this had happened. You wouldn't be this happy if he wasn't here. He was the only one who could make you happy like that. The only person in the world."

He snorted at that. "You mean the only person who could drive me that crazy!" he grumbled.

Mika's smiled just deepened and she stepped forward to place a light kiss on his cheek, surprising him. "That crazy in love." she said with an impish grin.

"Get lost," he said, motioning her away. She left him with a laugh, returning to her husband's side.

Yuki remained where he stood in the kitchen watching the interplay continuing between the combatants in the other room, with Mika now adding her voice to the discussion. It was noisy and loud and totally stupid, but Yuki couldn't stop the feeling to happiness that was filling his heart at seeing this scene played out. These were the people that meant the most to him in his life.

He felt a pressure around his waist as though an arm has encircled it. "This is your fault you know," he said, not taking his eyes from his family. "You know they are never going to leave either of us alone now. Just what the hell were you thinking?" His waist was squeezed a little tighter.

"Well, be it on your own head," he said, "Just don't come moaning to me when they're driving you crazy. This was your idea."

A quick kiss brushed his cheek and then the presence left him. He saw Tatsuha's head turn a moment later as though acknowledging the entrance of another person and suddenly the questions were being directed to Shuichi, with Tatsuha acting as interpreter and Tohma and Mika questioning the validity of his readings.

Yuki took another drink of beer. Well, he may as well join them. At least it was all out in the open now, he thought, making his way back into the room. At least now he had all his loved ones with him again.

The rest of that year had been good – despite his irritation at times in having Tatsuha's and Tohma's presence on a regular basis whilst they spent time with Shuichi. He became used to seeing and hearing both of them seeming to be talking to themselves. If anyone else had seen them they really would have thought they had gone crazy but it all just became routine.

So from nearly a year of having Shuichi entirely to himself, there was another year where he was able to share his partner with his family again and he had to admit that it had felt good. He had even returned to writing and his new book had just been released after a very long hiatus and been accepted with great accolades which had surprised him. In all, his life was good – very good, and he had thought that nothing would change that.

Until now.

Until that ghostly whisper told him he was going – somewhere, and Yuki felt his world crumbling around him once again.

"Promise you will wait…." The whisper demanded.

"Wait for what?" he asked brokenly. What was there for him to wait for? He was just about to lose everything!

"For me…." was the soft response.

What? Yuki didn't understand. "What do you mean? I don't know what you mean!"

"I'll return….." The voice caressed his mind. "I promise…."

"Promise?" he begged, needing the reassurance.

"I promise…." It was said sincerely and Yuki couldn't doubt it. "I promise…..Wait for me….."

"All right," Yuki said in a hoarse voice, struggling to get the words out. What more could he do? He couldn't stop Shuichi, as much as he wanted to. "All right, I'll wait. But please," and he looked up, still seeing nothing. "Please come back!"

A touch to his cheek, a soft caress. "I promise…..With all my heart….."

Yuki couldn't stop his tears though he tried his best to bring up a small smile. "Okay." He felt the drawing away of Shuichi's presence and panic gripped him again.

"I love you!" he blurted out. How many times had he wished that he had said those words more often? How many times had he regretted not being able to get past his pride and fears to let this one person know just how much he meant to him? He wasn't going to do that again. He wasn't able to say it to him at the end the last time. This time he was going to make certain he did.

"I love you. I always have. I always will."

He was suddenly engulfed by Shuichi's presence as though the younger man had thrown himself into Yuki's embrace. He could feel a constriction around his neck as though he was being squeezed by two arms wound tightly about him. How he wished he could embrace him back! He raised his arms and formed them into a circle almost exactly where he imagine Shuichi's body would have been if it was substantial. "I love you," he whispered again, not being able to say it enough times.

Shuichi drew back and Yuki let his arms fall. Still here was nothing to see but it was as though he could see him walking backwards, smiling, tears in those large amethyst eyes.

"I love you too….." he heard. "I love you more than anything……."

Then, he was gone. There was no trace of his presence anywhere and this time there was a sense finality to it, of real absence. This time Yuki knew that he truly wasn't going to be back in just a moment.

He felt his resolve crumble, the pieces starting to fly away. No, he ground out to himself, gathering himself together again. No, he wasn't going to go to pieces! He had promised Shuichi that he would wait, and he would wait.

Shuichi had come back to make sure that Yuki was okay, of that he was certain. He wasn't going to throw all that away because he was too cowardly to face the world on his own for a time. He was through hiding away. Shuichi said he would be back and he wouldn't lie to Yuki, not about something like that. So it was up to him to make certain he looked after himself until that happened - however long it took.

He took a deep breath and got to his feet, straightening his shirt, brushing down his trousers and running a hand across his face to wipe away the last of the tears. Well, he had better break the news to the others first to prevent them going into a panic that he wouldn't be able to cope. He would no doubt have to put up with their concern for a time until they were satisfied that he wasn't going to break down again but he could tolerate that.

Then he had to just get on with things and wait until Shuichi returned to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation  
**Warnings:** bad language

**Author's Notes: **I was quite surprised that people seemed to be enjoying this little story. I didn't think it would hold much interest for many readers so thank you for the reviews and kind words and I hope you continue to enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

The Whisper at My Side: Chapter 3

It was a bad day – anyone would have said so. It was dark, overcast, gloomy, not a ray of light able to penetrate the murkiness and break the mat of greyness that cloaked the world. Looking out the window it was almost like a ghost town outside. Few people were braving the elements, preferring to remain indoors and out of sight, hiding from the bleak world.

It wasn't just the weather outside that made this a bad day for Yuki. From the moment he had opened his eyes nothing had gone right, as though he was cursed to be plagued with misfortune for the rest of his existence. When he had first awoken it was with a blinding headache, he had then broken his favourite cup, a present from Shuichi and seeing its shattered shards spread across the floor at his feet had made his heart break and his breath catch in his throat in a gulping sob that he had had to fight to hold back. He had tried to gathered his emotions back under his tight control, sealing them off, trying to act rationally and just get on with it, but in picking up the pieces he had cut his hand on one sharp edge that had been deep enough to need stitches. He had watched the blood well from the wounds, running in riverlets down his skin to pool in the palm of his hand, slowly filling that concave place. He had watched it will a chilling stillness of mind, as though he had been complete disconnected from this being his hand, his blood. He had simply found the deep red colouring fascinating for some reason, in a remote and analytical way. He had managed to shake his stupour off and take himself to the doctor's to be attended to, gaining a tetanus jab into the bargain as he had been long over due.

His day had got no better although he had hoped that that would have been the last of it. He was used to having some bad moments. That had simply become a part of his life, but days like this, he hadn't had one like this since….

He had tried to keep going with his day as he had planned, tried to stay with the ordinary and normal routine that everyone in the world followed at some point, hoping the familiar pattern would get him through the next 24 hours. He had learnt that was the key. He just had to make it through each 24 hours. If he could do that he had won and he could find the strength to face the next 24 hours. So that is what he focused on – just getting through these 24 hours before him.

But his run of bad luck merely continued, dogging his every motion as though a devilish spirit hovered at his shoulder, shadowing his every step. He had torn a button off his most liked shirt, spilt coffee on his trousers, and his attempt to get his haircut, because it had badly needed it and he was tired of Mika nagging him and Tatsuha threatening to do it whilst he was asleep, had ended up with him looking like he had been attacked by an overzealous lawnmower. He had simply sat in the chair and stared at the stranger's face in the mirror before him, spiky hair sticking up in all directions, whilst the young female hairstylist gushed enthusiastically over his new look. He had been unable to say anything, not a word, he could just look. He had eventually stood, paid and left the shop still without saying a single thing because he knew that if he opened his mouth the only thing that would spew forth would be invectives that had no business being voiced in public.

Yes, it was a bad day. Anyone would have said so. Yuki definitely agreed with that assessment – and it was only lunchtime.

However the worst of it wasn't the physical problems. Those he could handle. They might throw him off his stride a little, cause him some momentary problem or grief, but he could handle that. No, what was the worst thing about a day like today was not the physical – it was the emotional. That was how he categorized a bad day. And today was definitely a bad day.

Bad days like this were hard on him. Days where it seemed that everything, and he meant everything, went wrong, one after the other with no respite. He hated these days with a passion, if he could actually feel any passion when these days arrived. That was why this was the really bad thing about these days - his own emotional state.

He supposed it had to happen eventually. He had had other bad days. It had been nearly a year, nearly a year since he had last heard that beloved voice, last felt that familiar presence by his side. It had been nearly a year since he had been left alone. Again. So he should have expected to have bad days at some point, and he hadn't been mistaken in thinking that. It was just that today…today had to be the very worst.

It was hard to believe that it had been almost another year. The world had continued to turn, life had gone on for everyone. Soon the world seemed to forget the presence of one Shuichi Shindou. Yuki couldn't understand that. He had had such difficulty accepting that the world had moved on and Shuichi no longer had a place in it, that had just seemed so…..wrong. He had been so angry about it, so furious with a deep, dark burning rage that felt as though it would consume him from the inside. Then had followed the crushing despair that had driven him figuratively to his knees and into a fetal position, and leaving him wanting to do nothing more than to hide.

When Shuichi had left him again, at first he had really thought there was no way he would get through it, that there was no way that he could survive that abandonment a second time. The only thing that had kept him going before had been Shuichi's presence, that comforting knowledge that his partner was still there with him and he was not alone.

So he had been sure that he wouldn't be able to get by this time - but surprisingly he had. It seemed that his own desire to keep the promise he had made to Shuichi, the last promise he had made to him, spurred him on with his life. He wasn't going to let Shuichi down – not this time. He may have failed Shuichi so many times in the past, not been everything that he should have been, not provided everything to Shuichi that he had wanted to, but this time he was determined to not do it again. So he had gone on, one day at a time, and he had managed, probably better than most people thought he would have. He had not only surprised others, he had surprised himself even. He had been surprised to find this deep well of strength that he now drew upon, a strength that he firmly believed came from Shuichi's presence in his life over these years, that indomitable spirit the youth had always had that he had somehow seemed to have been able to pass to Yuki also. It was what sustained him, fuelled him, got him through each day. That didn't mean it was easy, there was still bad days. Today was one of them.

He sat on the couch smoking, the overflowing ashtray before him showing the extent of his chain smoking, something he knew Shuichi would have scolded him for soundly. Although he had never given up smoking completely whilst he had been with Shuichi he had cut down considerably. He hadn't seemed to have needed the constant nicotine buzz as he once had, as though he could get that same 'high' from his young partner's mere presence. He had also not wanted to endanger Shuichi's singing career unnecessarily by smoking too heavily around him. Shuichi had never been inspired to take up the habit, despite living with such a heavy smoker as Yuki, as well as his best friend, Hiro, being a smoker. Yuki had considered giving up his bad habit completely but a shred of stubborn pride had prevented him from doing so and people thinking he was changing because of Shuichi. Despite what he tried to say or pretend he did actually get concerned about what people might say or think. That was one thing that Shuichi never had any trouble with – feelings of peer pressure, to do what everyone else did, never seemed to affect him. Shuichi had always followed his own path, in his own time, and in his own way – and somehow managed to drag everyone else within his vicinity along in his wake! Shuichi had always been…unique.

Now, Yuki sat on the couch surrounded in a smoky haze, staring into space, not looking at anything in particular, not paying attention to anything, not wanting to even see the world that he was currently forced to inhabit.

He exhaled slowly, the smoke drifting way on the air currents within the room as the wind whistled through the tiny cracks around the windows to penetrate into the warmth indoors. He shivered in automatic response to those cold tendrils winding around his body, but apart from that single motion he betrayed no apparent awareness of his surroundings. Although his physical body was chilled, it was nothing compared to the iciness encompassing his inner soul. It was days like this that made him feel that he was no longer living because it was on days like this that he no longer wanted to be living. On these days he was lost, alone, cast adrift, left behind. On these days he wanted to cease to exist.

He raised the cigarette to his lips, the motion as automatic as breathing, which he still did. Why did he still breathe, a half formed thought came to him. Why didn't he just stop, now, cease that bodily function? What made him continue? There was nothing for him - nothing at all.

There was a sound then, a strange sound, faint and seeming far in the distance. He ignored it like he would the irritating buzz of a fly. It didn't go away though, continuing to annoy him until finally his consciousness surfaced more fully, dragging him out of the dark depths it had been skulking in, and he recognized the sound as that of the doorbell. He turned his head slightly to half look over his shoulder towards the front door, cigarette dangling almost forgotten from his mouth.

The noise continued, yet still he sat motionless. Should he bother getting up, he half thought. He didn't know who it was. Mika? Tohma? Tasuha? It could be anyone of those three; all of them had become his self-appointed guardians, shielding him even from himself.

They are like that fairy tale, he suddenly thought, the one about the three bears. Tohma was the papa bear, Mika was the mama bear and Tatsuah was the baby bear. So that must make him Goldilocks. The mental image turned disturbing with the three bears wearing the familiar faces of his family and him sitting cross-legged in the middle in a dress, long blond braids and a cigarette in mouth. Okay, probably not what that fairy tale was really trying to portray. But wasn't he like that bratty Goldilocks? Sneaking into someone's house and stealing things, not paying or returning anything, just taking what he wanted, when he wanted it? He had been as much of a thief in that he always took all the love and affection and caring that these three gave him. He took and he took, and they never chastised him for not giving anything in return. Yes, he was a thief, taking their food of love, sitting in their chairs of life, sleeping on the soft bed of their protection. He always allowed them to take on the responsibility of looking after him, always believed in the knowledge that they would pick up the broken pieces. And just like Goldilocks, once he had finished, once he had taken and done what he had wanted, as soon as they drew close, as soon as they came 'home', he would flee them, leaving them with the mess his presence had made to clean up after him. He was so selfish, so ignorant, and so self-centred. Why would Shuichi want to return to him when he was like that? What could he ever offer him?

The noise at the door continued, never abating. It pounded through his skull, vibrating up his raw nerves, setting his teeth on edge. His brows began to draw down in a frown of irritation, one of the first emotions he had felt all day apart from the numbing, aching sense of loss. Finally he had to move, standing and dropping the still smoldering butt on top of the others and walking to the door. He opened it expecting it to be any of the three people he had previously considered it could be, or a combination of them, so it was a great surprise to see the face that did confront him now.

"Hey,"

Yuki continued to stare, sure he was hallucinating. Had he taken the wrong medication today? Now he couldn't have. He hadn't bothered taking ANY medication today so that couldn't be it. Maybe that was the problem. Perhaps it was that lack that was causing him to be seeing crazy things now.

"I said 'Hey'," Hiro repeated.

"Hey," Yuki responded dumbly, still trying to assimilate just who was standing on his doorstep.

"Look, if you don't want me here…" Hiro's voice trailed off and he looked uncomfortable.

What the hell could have brought Hiroshi Nakano to his door, Yuki wondered, and because he didn't have an answer to that question this made him step to one side leaving the passage clear for Hiro to enter.

He hesitated for a moment then stopped over the threshold, as Yuki closed the door behind him and watched as he looked around the apartment.

"It…hasn't changed much," Hiro said quietly. He walked over and ran one long finger over the spines of the CD's stacked on a shelf, pausing for the briefest of instances at those labeled Nittle Grasper. "Do you actually listen to these?" he questioned, looking over his shoulder at Yuki.

Yuki shrugged, "Sometimes," he admitted, his voice hoarse. It seemed like he hadn't spoken for years and the constant smoking had dried his throat out badly. Hiro raised an eyebrow in surprise at his answer but didn't comment any further. "Want a coffee?" Yuki finally said into the awkward silence.

"Uhm, yeah,"

As Yuki made his way into the kitchen, Hiro seated himself on the lounge. He immediately spotted the overfilled ashtray and his lips twitched. "I guess I don't need to ask if you mind if I smoke?" he said.

"Please yourself."

"Thanks," Hiro lit up and Yuki soon joined him in the lounge, placing a steaming mug before him. He remained standing, not sitting next to Hiro and watched him take a cautious sip.

"So what brings you here?" Yuki asked, curiousity getting the better of him. The only times that Nankano had generally turned up unexpectedly at his place was to find out why Shuichi was upset yet once again by something Yuki had done. And threaten to beat him senseless if it ever happened again.

Hiro played with his packet of cigarettes, an obviously nervous gesture. I wonder what's going on, Yuki mused. Had Tohma or someone else sent him here? Why would they? Had Ayaka? He didn't see why she would. He hadn't seen Hiro really for nearly 3 years. Not since…the accident.

"Look," Hiro suddenly spoke up, breaking into Yuki's musings. "I know this is going to seem really lame, especially when it's been so long since I've been here."

"It's been a while," Yuki acknowledged.

Hiro seemed to wince as though Yuki's words were a lot harsher than what he had said. "Yeah, I know," Hiro kept his eyes downcast. "I knew it was really selfish of me but I couldn't bear being here after…." He cleared his throat. "And," Now he did look up, meeting Yuki's eyes frankly. "I blamed you for his death."

That's didn't surprise Yuki in the least. Hell, he blamed himself so why shouldn't everyone else?

"I know it wasn't your fault. I know you had nothing to do with it, and I know it was completely irrational, but I couldn't stop myself thinking it," Hiro took a long drag on his cigarette. "It just hurt too much to come here. Besides," and his lips twitched a little in sardonic humour. "It's not like we were ever really friends."

"You got that right." Yuki said matter-of-factly. He and Nankano never had become 'friends'. They weren't enemies, but the only thing they had had in common had been Shuichi. That was the only bond between the two of them, and once that was gone it was no surprise that Nankano had vanished from his sphere of associates.

"Yeah, but," This is it, Yuki thought, now we're getting to the reason why he's here. I wonder who set this up.

Hiro raked a hand through his long mane of hair. It was shorter than Yuki remembered, just brushing his shoulders now. Ayaka's touch must be taming her wild rock husband. "This is going to sound really crazy and I won't be offended if you don't believe me, but," Suddenly he dropped to his knees and bowed his forehead to the floor, startling Yuki at his sudden subversive pose. "I beg your forgiveness for not being there in your time of need! I beg your forgiveness for abandoning you!"

Yuki just stared, completely shocked, struck dumb. The cigarette fell from his mouth to the floor unheeded as he struggled to find his voice, to say something to the man prostrating himself at his feet. If he had been having a bad day before it must be that the end of the world is truly upon them for this to be happening. Or else he had overdosed on his medication and was spiralling down into insanity and death.

Finally he did find his voice and said, "What the fuck are you doing!"

Hiro raised his head but remained in his prone position. "I'm asking you to forgive me for only thinking of myself at that time."

"What the hell has that got to do with anything? Oh, for fucks sake, will you get up!"

Hiro's lips thinned and he pushed his chin out stubbornly. "Not until you say you forgive me."

"Forgive you for what? For being normal?" Yuki said with some exasperation. Hiro didn't move. "All right, all right, you're forgiven! Now get your sweaty palms off my floor!" Hiro rose gracefully to his feet. "Now just what the hell was that melodramatic piece of crap about!" Yuki snarled.

Hiro reached up and pull on his ear lobe, looking more and more self conscious. "I told you you'll think I'm crazy," he muttered.

"After that display what do you expect? I'm beginning to think you'd look good in a padded cell!"

Hiro glared at him but held his tongue as Yuki finally stalked over to the other end of the couch and sat. He really felt he needed to sit down after that shocking performance.

Hiro seated himself on the other end, elbows casually leaning on his knees, "Okay, this is what happened. Guess I'll start from the beginning." He lit another cigarette, the first having almost completely burnt down though his apology. "After the accident, well, I couldn't face you for a number of reasons. Firstly was that I did blame you." He cast a quick glance at Yuki and then continued, "I know how crazy that is but it's what I felt. It just seemed to me that it wasn't fair that Shu was dead, and you were alive. You should have been the one looking after him."

Yuki's heart clenched as Hiro echoed his own thoughts only too clearly. It was exactly as he had felt. That he had failed Shuichi by not being there to prevent it. Though what he could have done, he didn't know.

"Anyway," Hiro went on, "It just hurt too much to be around you or back here." He looked around the apartment once more. "I never thought I would ever be able to set foot in this place again. It hurts, even now, but it's not like I thought it would have be."

"So you hated my guts. What else is new?" Yuki said sarcastically, which earnt him a wry grin from Hiro.

"Yeah, well, some things never change!" Yuki just snorted a little as Hiro continued. "Look, it started about six months after." Hiro leant back and continued to smoke, his eyes taking on a slight glassy look as though he was looking inwards. "I though it was just because I didn't want to let go, that it was because I was still in denial and refusing to admit the truth and that was that Shuichi was dead. I really thought that was it but I still felt it."

"What?" Yuki wasn't certain he really wanted to know.

"I kept thinking - no," he shook his head, "Believing, that Shu was back. That he wasn't really gone at all."

"You mean like he was back or something?" Had Shuichi been communicating with Hiro whilst he had been back before? Yuki felt an irrational surge of jealousy.

Hiro shook his head. "No, not really. Well, sort of," He scratched his chin and now Yuki could see the slight stubble and he noticed the shadows under the other man's eyes. Hmm, the man hadn't been sleeping well by the looks of things. "Yes it seemed like Shu was still here, but I don't mean that he was there as a ghost or talking to me or anything weird like that." Yuki felt his face flush a little with what felt like embarrassment. That was after all exactly what Shuichi had done – with him!

"No, it was just a feeling I kept getting as though Shu was trying to shout at me from a very long way away. As though he was still around, somewhere, just not where I was." Hiro let out a snort of exasperation. "I don't know how to explain it clearly," he growled out in frustration. "The only way I can think of doing so is like you know your friend lives in the same street as you but you don't see them all the time but you are just know they are there. Does that make any kind of sense at all?"

"Not one bit," Yuki replied calmly, exhaling smoke and watching it drift away.

"Jerk," Hiro responded amicably.

"So how did any of that lead to you have an aberration of sanity and put on that pathetic display earlier?"

Hiro glared at him, opening his mouth to retort no doubt but then closed it with a snap, taking a deep breath to carry on. "Well, that feeling disappeared about a year ago," he said, making Yuki start in surprise. Could Hiro have truly been tuned into Shuichi whilst he had been here? It was beginning to sound like it, which did make some sense. As much as Yuki hated to admit it and disliked thinking he had to share Shuichi with anyone, Hiro was his best friend and they had been very close. Something that Yuki had often envied.

"And?" Yuki prompted into the silence now wanting to know more.

"I've begun having dreams."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah. Dreams about Shuichi."

"I don't need to know about your perverted wet dreams." Yuki snarled, fists clenching.

Hiro threw him a disgusted look and just rolled his eyes at Yuki's stupidity. "Don't be an idiot!" he said sharply, "They weren't anything of the sort!" He gave a sniff as though offended that Yuki could have thought anything different. "No, it wasn't that in the dreams he was actually 'there' if you know what I mean. I don't actually seem him but I just know that it is him. He's not talking to me with words but he's been trying to tell me something, something important. It's more like the way he could look at me without saying anything, especially when he wanted something, and that look would tell me he was really disappointed in me." He glanced at Yuki sheepishly. "You know how he could be sometimes."

"Yeah," Yuki grudgingly agreed. That was exactly the way Shuichi could be sometimes. It was just that look he could give you as though he knew you could do so much better and he was disappointed that you weren't trying hard enough. Yuki had never been able to fully ignore that look. It was that look and belief that had brought the two of them together in the first place.

"I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense." Hiro said, swallowing the last of his coffee. "Sometimes I think I must be crazy for sure but it still seemed real enough at the time."

"So how did you having nutty dreams lead to you throwing yourself all over my floor?" Yuki wanted to know.

"Well, ever since these dreams started, ever since it felt like Shuichi was really disappointed with me about something that feeling's just kept getting stronger. It really felt that I wasn't doing what he would have expected from me and I kept getting the feeling it had something to do with you." Hiro then threw him a nasty smile. "I tried to ignore it, of course. It's not like I particularly wanted to see you again!"

Yuki just snorted, lighting another cigarette and offering one to Hiro, who took it. "Anyway, the crux came when Ayaka said that I was talking in my sleep and your name kept coming up. She wanted to know why I was dreaming of you." Hiro smiled with humour then. "She pointed out that if either one of us was dreaming about you she had more right to do so than me and didn't I realize just how jealous she was that I was thinking about another man. And her ex, no less!"

Yuki was a little surprised. Ayaka had obviously loosened up considerably since hooking up with Nakano. It sounded like she might almost be fun to get to know.

"I explained to her what I was feeling, she already knew about the times before so she didn't think it was weird. Well, at least not too much," Hiro said with a grin. "The thing is that she was the one who said that it could only be a sign that I had to speak to you. Don't think I just agreed to it straight away. I didn't want to do it at all, but the dreams didn't stop and finally Ayaka took me off to see a priest and he agreed with her. Ayaka just looked me straight in the eye and said what would I think Shuichi would have wanted me to do?"

"And you think he would have wanted that sideshow?" Yuki said with disbelief.

Hiro grinned widely, "You've got to admit that he would have found it hilarious."

That's true, Yuki thought, picturing his young lover rolling around on the floor in gales of laughter.

"Seriously though," And the smile disappeared from Hiro's face. "I am sorry. Shuichi would have expected me to help you. He knew I knew how important you were to him and he would have expected me to make certain you were okay. I've let him down because of my own selfishness, wallowing in my own sorrow. You suffered more than any of the rest of us."

"You lost your best friend." Yuki said gruffly, acknowledging Hiro's own pain.

"Yeah, and I miss him like hell. But you lost much more. You lost part of your soul."

Yuki froze. How…how could Hiro understand so well? That was exactly how it felt. Like an important part of him was permanently missing.

And it hurt.

"I know I don't want to believe that he is gone, and I know I'm mad to think that he's still around but," Now Hiro's voice broke. "I don't want to believe that he's gone for good either! It doesn't seem right that he's gone. He's too damn stubborn to just leave us. To leave you!" Hiro looked steadily at Yuki. "He loved you more than anything in this world - more than his own life. He just wouldn't leave you if there was any way he could avoid it. I know that."

Yuki made up his mind then. "You said that I would think you're crazy. Well, I can top that easily, and before you decide I am stark raving bonkers, I'll just tell you that Tohma, Mika and Tatsuha all know about this and believe it as well."

"What?" Hiro looked at him quizzically, his interest piqued.

Yuki lit another cigarette and stood, before walking back into the kitchen. "For this we're going to need something stronger," he said pulling out a full bottle of scotch and bringing two glasses back into the room with him, setting one before Hiro.

Hiro raised an eyebrow but said nothing, only reaching out to steady his glass as Yuki filled it generously. "Drink up," Yuki said to him, raising his own glass. "This is going to make your hair stand on end."

Perhaps today wasn't so bad after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation  
**Warnings:** bad language

**Author's Notes: **Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and for being so patient with the story. I have just returned from a couple of weeks away to the USA which was business, but I managed to swing a bit of pleasure in as well – by going to yaoi-con to have the chance to meet Ashcat and Despina which was something I couldn't resist! Now unfortunately it's back to work, work, work – but I will try my best to continue to fit a bit of writing in there as well!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

The Whisper at My Side: Chapter 4

The night air was split with a high pitched whine that shattered the stillness, echoing against the buildings lining the streets. Two motorbikes sped towards each other at break-neck speed, drawing nearer and nearer like two ancient warriors charging into the final battle. The wind whistled past the two helmeted riders astride their steel mounts, like dark avengers in the night. They hurtled onwards, drawing ever closer…closer.

Suddenly brakes locked, a slight twist in direction and they skidded to a screaming standstill, halting side by side, facing in opposite directions, mere inches separating them, knees almost touching. There was silence again, broken only by the gunning of the throttles as though two angry tigers were straining at the leash of their captors, fighting to reach their opponent. The faceless helmeted heads turned at almost the same time towards each other and the bikes engines quietened to a soft purr as the predators retreated and lay down to sleep, tamed once more.

The rider on the right raised a gloved hand towards his face and lifted the visor, finally revealing his features as the other did the same.

"Any luck?" Tatsuha raised his voice only enough to be heard over the quiet humming of the engines.

Hiro shook his head. "Nothing," He sat up a little straighter, releasing his grip on the handles and stretching his aching back.

Tatusha glanced behind him down the street from where he had come, a frown on his face, before turning back to Hiro. "Where the hell has he gone this time?!" he said with some exasperation and no little worry.

Hiro looked around them also, checking the names of the side streets branching off from the main road where they had stopped, checking through his mind the routes they had already covered, the places they had already ticked off, wondering what they had missed. Tatsuha was right to be worried. It was never a good thing when Eiri Yuki decided to disappear like this.

"Shit!" Tatsuha spat out, bringing his gloved fist down with a thump against the metal of the fuel tank before him. "Damn you, bro! Where the fuck are you?!"

Hiro could see that the younger man's shoulders were shaking, although his dropped head hid his face from clear view so he didn't know if the youth was actually crying or just shaking with rage. Perhaps a bit of both.

Hiro took a deep breath to calm his own frustration and anxiety. It wouldn't do for them to lose their heads now; they still had to find Yuki. "Look," he said, breaking into Tatsuha's thoughts. "Why don't we head back into Shinjuku? If both of us do it together we'll cover more ground and we might get lucky."

"Yeah, maybe," Tatsuha agreed, although it was with little enthusiasm or hope. He reached up and pushed his hair away from his eyes. Or was he wiping away tears, Hiro wondered.

"Have you heard from Tohma?" Hiro asked, knowing that the last time he had checked his cell phone there had been no new messages.

Tatsuha shook his head, looking even more depressed. "Not a thing."

Hiro pursed his lips a little. This really wasn't looking good. Usually Tohma managed to dig up something fairly quickly with all his contacts whenever this happened. The fact that it was taking this long was not a good sign. "Well, that only means he's obviously not going to the usually places. He probably figured out that Tohma would find him if he did. Which means," and this time Hiro grinned a little, "that he's somewhere that he thinks we'll never look for him."

Tatsuha frowned. "So where the hell is that?"

Hiro thought for a moment and his grin suddenly grew wider. "What?" Tatsuaha wanted to know, seeing his expression.

Hiro half shrugged, but the smile didn't go away. "I don't want to raise your hopes or anything but where would be the last place on earth that you would expect to find your brother?"

Tatusha thought for a moment then shrugged. "Damned if I know." he said. "I never could predict what Eiri would do, and even less now. You obviously think that you have an idea."

"Yeah, but it is just an idea. I could be completely wrong."

"How could that be any worse than us not turning anything up so far?" Tatsuha said, reaching up to close his visor. "Lead on and I'll follow."

"Okay then," Hiro dropped his visor as Tatsuha gunned his engine awake and spun it around 180 degrees to be at Hiro's side and they both took off down the street.

"You've got to be kidding!" Tatsuha shouted over the din as he looked with wide–eyed amazement around where they stood.

"Where else is the most unlikely place to find him?" Hiro shouted in return, pushing through the gyrating bodies before him.

"But here?" Tatsuha's disbelief was palpable as he followed. Not surprising really. They were currently making their way through the crowded dance floor of a gay strip club. Well, Tatsuha thought as another well-oiled, muscled chest rubbed against his leathers and conjured up mind-bogging fantasies, causing his head to spin and his trousers to tighten, Hiro was absolutely right. If there was a more unlikely place to find his brother he didn't know where that would be.

He was still skeptical though. He thought Hiro was clutching at straws here in desperation. It had never taken them this long to track Eiri down before. Sooner, rather than later, one of them would locate him in some bar and haul his drunken arse out of the squalor, throw him under a shower in an attempt to clean him up a little, before rolling him into bed to sleep his binge off for the next twenty-four hours.

This time hadn't quite been like the others. For starters, Eiri had disappeared earlier in the day than normal and had literally dropped off the radar. At least off Tohma Seguchi's radar, which meant he was no-where to be found. Not a good thing. It was then they had all kicked into overdrive in the search for the wayward novelist.

Now, as a handsome youth a few years younger than he smiled invitingly at him and suggestively ran his hand down his bare chest, over the taut stomach, to dip fingers under the waist of low slung pants, Tatsuha may have thought he was in paradise but he couldn't see Eiri being in this environment. It was everything Eiri hated.

Another sumptuous Adonis winked at him and gave a 'come hither' wriggle of hips and arse and Tatsuha groaned in despair. He had been wrong. This wasn't paradise; it was hell. All he could do was look and not touch, and turn down every tempting luscious offer. Oh, how it hurt! Damn you, Eiri!

So engrossed was he in the delectable sights surrounding him that he ran right into the back of Hiro, who had halted in a quieter position in the club having broken free of the main crush. Tatsuha couldn't help but take the opportunity to let his arms circle the lean waist before him and press up tightly against the firm buttocks. He had always found Hiro quite enticing, even if his taste tended to be more for the childlike look such as Shiuchi Shindou had and his still top-billing star of nearly every wet dream he had, Ryuichi Sakuma. But that didn't stop him from copping a feel when the opportunity presented itself of the tall, good-looking, red haired guitarist.

"Keep your hands to yourself, Tats," Hiro said calmly, not even bothering to look around. "Or you'll be picking your butt of the floor." Now he did look over his shoulder at the dark-haired youth pressed up against him. A smile touched his lips but his eyes held a hint of warning also.

Tatsuha sighed. He knew that Hiro wasn't exactly disgusted by the idea of 'man sex' – how could he be when his best friend had shacked up with his brother? On top of that he had been surrounded by people of dubious sexuality ever since Bad Luck struck it big – from Ryuichi Sakuma to Tohma Seguchi, and even Tatsuha himself. So Hiro was pretty immune to it all and didn't bat an eyelid at any of the antics that inevitably followed, including walking in on Shuichi and Yuki having sex at the studio more than once. But Tatsuha knew he also didn't swing that way himself. Hiro had been happily married to Ayaka for a number of years now and didn't seem to have any hankering to try the 'other side' of life. What a waste.

However, his sexual fantasies were not worth losing a friend over so he reluctantly released his hold and moved to stand by Hiro's side, scanning the crowd, getting his mind back on the job at hand. "You've got to be crazy to think we'll find him in here!" he said loudly, looking over the milling mass and trying not to stare at certain more than delicious sights. "You know how much Eiri despises these places. He wouldn't be caught dead in here!"

"Which would make it a perfect hiding place, don't you think?" Hiro said with a smirk. "Where else could he hide from Tohma?"

Tatsuha shook his head. "Not even Eiri would stoop this low!"

"You think not?" Hiro replied, his eyes settling on something in the distance. He nodded slightly to draw Tatsuha's attention to what he was watching and, sure enough, when Tatsuha followed his line of sight he could see the familiar hunched figure perched on a stool, leaning on the bar. He grimaced, tossing a quick glance towards Hiro who said, "You owe me a bottle!" as he stepped forward to push through the people once again to reach Eiri while Tatsuha followed, grumbling. It had begun as a joke, which had become a regular bet that whoever found Eiri last had to buy the other a bottle of whatever alcoholic beverage they chose. So far he was well in the red. He was beginning to think that Hiro had a tracer planted on Eiri as he seemed able to find him so often.

Tatsuha tried to keep his mind focused on his brother and not on the other more enticing sights all around him as they dove back into the crowd. It was extremely hard work, but fortunately it didn't take them long to reach their destination, so he didn't have time to get too distracted.

"Hey, bro!" he shouted directly into Eiri's ear, wondering what response he would get. His brother was definitely looking the worse for wear.

The blond head remained stationary for a moment and then rolled to one side of view his younger brother. "When did I dye my hair black?" he mumbled, staring at Tatsuha.

Tatsuha rolled his eyes. "You didn't, you idiot," he said good-naturedly, grabbing one elbow as Hiro clasped the other and they both heaved, managing to get Eiri to his feet where he would have fallen if not for their steadying hands.

"Oh, I talk," Eiri sounded surprised. "I sound different, too."

"Oh, great!" Tatsuha muttered under his breath, looking at Hiro who just quirked an eyebrow in sardonic humour. "He's really gone this time!"

"Let's just get him out of here," Hiro said, throwing one of Eiri's arms over his shoulder whilst Tatsuha slipped under the other. Eiri seemed to be trying to help by walking but he seemed incapable of actually making his feet move and certainly not in the way they should be, so it as left to the two of them to literally drag the taller man between them as they navigated their way out of the club.

"Okay," said Tatsuha, giving another heave as Eiri began to slide towards the ground a little further. "Just how are we going to get him home?"

It was a valid question. Tatsuha wasn't even going to contemplate putting his brother on a bike in this drunken state and that was the only mode of transport he and Hiro had. "I suppose we can put him in a taxi and just follow."

Hhiro also gave a heave to settle the semi-limp form. "On his own?" he said, looking at Tatsuha as though he was being exceptionally stupid. "You'd trust him to actually stay in there on his own and not cause trouble?"

Tatsuha looked at the slumped figure between them. "He's pretty far gone." he said, trying to justify his suggestion. "He should be right to just stay there. He'll probably just pass out and we can collect him at the other end."

"Yeah, right," Hiro said firmly. "Just like that last time when we ended up chasing the damn taxi around half of Tokyo because he kept paying the driver more to just keep going. You didn't think he was going to wake up then either."

Tatsuha flushed a little but he couldn't really deny it as Hiro was completely correct. It had been at his insistence that they had put Eiri into a cab that time, telling the driver to return him to his apartment whilst he and Hiro followed after on their bikes. Eiri had already passed out, or so they had thought, so it had seemed like a safe enough move. Hiro had expressed some concern but Tatsuha had overridden his worries, after all Eiri was his brother so of course he knew best, so that was what they had done.

The unfortunate thing was, that half-way to their destination, Eiri had woken up and when the driver had explained what was happening had simply thrown a wad of money on the seat and told the driver to keep going and not return to the apartment. That had then left Hiro and Tatsuha frantically chasing after the rapidly meandering cab wondering if Eiri was holding the driver hostage or some other such horrible scenario.

They had just about reached their wits end when suddenly another car had swerved out in front of the cab, causing it to come to a screaming halt and narrowly avoiding an accident. Hiro and Tatsuha had to do some fancy maneuvering from behind also or they would have suffered a worse fate. When all the vehicles had halted the tableau had held for a moment before the back door of the car that had caused the hold-up had opened and Tohma Seguchi had stepped out, silhouetted in the headlights of the taxi.

When Tatsuha had yanked open the back door of the cab he had found Eiri sulking in the seat, and the moment he had been hauled out into the cool night air he had promptly thrown his guts up (over Tatsuha's boots, no less) and passed out once more. Tohma had insisted on driving Eiri home then, ordering Tatsuha and Hiro to follow and there were no further mishaps.

Another time had been even worse when Eiri had thrown himself out of the moving cab, which fortunately had slowed right down to turn a corner, which had earned him a slight concussion and sprained shoulder. That could have been much worse, something Tatsuha didn't want to even think about.

So Hiro was quite right. They did not want a repeat of those times; they had to come up with another option. The last thing he wanted was to have that withering look from Tohma Seguchi directed at him again. "So what do you suggest?" he grudgingly asked, still feeling as though he should be the one making the decisions where the well-being of his brother was concerned.

"I'll leave my bike and go with him," Hiro said. "I can always pick it up later. You follow us."

"Why you?" Tatsuha asked, feeling a little put out.

Hiro grinned at him. "Because if he starts getting out of hand I won't have any qualms about knocking him down where you'll be more concerned about hurting him."

Tatsuha knew that Hiro wasn't a naturally aggressive or unkind person, but he did also acknowledge that he and Eiri still seemed to have a bit of a 'love-hate' friendship and spent most of the time trying to rip each other apart, more verbally than physically, than having any kind of normal relationship. Some things really don't seem to change, although Tatsuha was more than glad to see this strange interaction between the two of them. He really believed that Eiri needed that aggravation in his life, someone who wasn't going to be always concerned for him, someone who would make him fight back. "You sure?" he queried, still feeling a little bad about releasing his brother into someone else's care.

"Not a problem," Hiro assured him. He stuck a hand out and flagged a taxi down. "Let's get out of here before we get noticed." That was sound judgment so Tatsuha quickly helped bundle his almost comatose brother into the back seat with Hiro, made his way back to where he was parked, and soon pulled in behind the still waiting cab. He wanted to stay close in case anything untoward occurred but fortunately nothing happened and they arrived at his brother's apartment unimpeded.

He helped Hiro lug his brother up the stairs in the hope of avoiding any other people in the building especially if they were using the lift. Eiri was still too easily recognized; despite the fact that he didn't put out as many novels as he used to he was still extremely popular as an author. They met no-one on their way and soon had Eiri safely inside, both of them breathing heavily and sweating from their exertions. It was no easy task to maneuver his taller brother around.

"Can you manage him in the shower?" Hiro asked as they struggled into the bathroom. "I'm going to phone Tohma and tell him to call off the search."

"Yeah, no problem." Tatsuha indicated as he let his brother slither to the floor and simply rolled him into the bath and turned the shower on the still fully clothed figure. Hiro laughed seeing this treatment as he left the room. Tatsuha wasn't so cruel as to leave the water cold, he actually wasn't trying to sober Eiri up fully, just enough to make certain he was actually all right and not in danger of suffering some form of attack due to the copious amount of alcohol on top of the medication he was still taking - if he was bothering to take it as he should be. It was always a big worry for him that one day the alcohol in his brother's bloodstream would be too much for his abused body to cope with and he would be found dead in some gutter on the streets. Tatsuha really hated those nightmares.

By the time Hiro returned Eiri was stirring slightly, head turning to avoid the spraying water on his face, bleary eyes blinking in the light. "Looks like he's beginning to come round," Hiro stated, standing back to watch.

"What did Tohma say?" Tatsuha asked, keeping watch on his slowly stirring brother.

Hiro just shrugged. "Pretty much what you would expect; 'Thank you for letting me know', and 'how is he?'"

"Is he coming round?"

Hiro shook his head. "No, he just said to make certain that he was dried off well before putting him to bed and to call him if we needed anything."

Tatsuha just nodded, reaching in to turn off the water as the mumbled complaints from his brother increased. Gone were the days of Tohma rushing to Eiri's side when this occurred. It was a sign of the immense trust that he was showing Tatsuha and Hiro in giving them the sole responsibility of looking after Eiri at such times. There was one time that would never have happened. Although Tatsuha acknowledged that it was probably only Hiro's presence that did that, he doubted very much Tohma would have trusted him alone. His opinion of his youngest brother-in-law hadn't seemed to have changed much over the years and he still considered him a wastrel most of the time and totally without a sense of responsibility. Which was true in many ways, even Tatsuha would admit that, but sometimes, just sometimes, he would take his responsibilities seriously. Especially where his family was concerned.

Eiri had begun to thrash around a little in the wet bathtub, arms flailing, invectives beginning to flow more legibly. "We'd better get him out before he hurts himself." Hiro advised, stepping forward and grabbing one weakly swinging arm. Tatsuha reached in and hauled on the other and between them they dragged Eiri's long, dripping form over the tub edge and semi-upright.

They began to strip him, dropping sodden clothes to the floor as Eiri began to speak to them now. "Ge' offa me," he growled, the words still slurred. He half batted at Tatsuha who was struggling to undo his belt and get his trousers off his long legs. "You bloody perv," he stated swatting as Tatsuha dodged. "You're ma brutha and yur tryin' to suck me off!" As Tatsuha was on his knees, head in line with Yuki's groin, it wasn't an entirely unreasonable assumption for him to make in his current state.

Tatsuha looked up and frowned, screwing his nose up as he answered. "As if!" he declared, getting one foot out of the damp clothing. "In this state you wouldn't even be able to get it up!" He struggled a moment more to release Eiri's second leg and sat back with a sigh. The truth of his statement hung limp before his face. His brother hadn't bothered putting on any underwear today.

Eiri drunkenly leant over to view his own anatomy, Hiro's supporting hands the only things preventing him from toppling over fully. He blinked a couple of times and raised one hand to try to grab the dangling object. It took him a couple of goes before he connected but when he did he gave it a couple of experimental tugs then shrugged, letting go so it swung loosely. "All gone," he moaned, looking forlorn. "All dried up. Only Shuichi could bring it back to life. Only he.." He gave a gulping sob and Tatsuha knew the tears would flow shortly. He sighed sadly as he got to his feet and began to divest Eiri of his shirt, struggling with the wet material and buttons. "Only Shu," Eiri continued to mumble. "He could do it, every time. Even when he was gone I could feel him still, he could still make me come. No matter what."

Tatsuha only half listened. He had heard this all before, as had Hiro. The first time Eiri had let slip that he had still had a sexual relationship with Shiuchi after death he had been surprised. He hadn't realized that Shuichi had been able to manipulate his surroundings to that extent; most spirits were nothing more than a presence. Generally it was the more malevolent ones who would manifest further as they fed on the negative energies of the people and world around the, acting like spiritual leeches. The more benign spirits didn't do this and so couldn't generally absorb enough energies to interact with the living as much. He had wondered how Shuichi could have done this as he had still never sensed any negative feelings from the youth's spirit.

When he had expressed his concerns to Hiro he had just shrugged and said, "Shu's just stubborn. If he could find a way to do it then he would." Perhaps that was all it was, but Tatsuha was still surprised and wondered about it.

"Shuichi would look after me," Eiri continued to mumble as Tatsuha engulfed him in a large towel and began to vigorously dry him off. "He was always there for me. Now he's gone. All gone."

Tatsuha tried to ignore the stab of sympathy he felt at the pain in his brother's voice. He had felt heartbroken himself to find out that Shuichi had gone again, leaving Eiri. He didn't understand why he had but Eiri had said he'd been told that he would return - but that had been six years ago. Six long years for Eiri.

As though reading his mind Eirii suddenly reached out and gripped Tatsuha's shoulders hard, glaring at him. "So you tell me why he's not back!" he snarled, fingers tightening so Tatsuha could feel them digging into tendons. "You tell me where he's gone!"

Tatsuha could see Hiro tensing, ready to pull Eiri away if it appeared he was going to cause physical harm to his younger brother. He relaxed a little as Tatsuha's shake of his head indicated it was okay. "I don't know," he answered honestly, although still with a pang of guilt at not being able to offer more comforting words to his distressed brother.

"Why not? You're the fucking monk!" Eiri gripped hard, eyes suddenly focusing and voice gaining strength and clarity. "So tell me where he is? He promised!"

Tatsuha reached up and placed his hands over Eiri's, looking his brother directly in the eye. "If he promised he'll be back," he said with complete certainty. "He will be. He wouldn't be able to lie to you in spirit form. Do you really think he would?"

Eiri growled something Tatsuha didn't catch. "Eiri, he said he would be back. You told me that. You have to have faith in him."

"Faith?!" Eiri snorted. "In him? He'd forget his brain if he had one!"

"Maybe," Hiro spoke up for the first time quietly. "But there were only two things he was absolutely committed to; his music and you." Eiri strained his head round to look over his shoulder to try and see Hiro without releasing his hold on Tatsuha. "Do you doubt that?"

"N……o," Eiri reluctantly dragged out, looking away as he was unable to keep his head turned in that awkward position any longer. His head dropped then, chin nearly to his chest, shoulders slumping and lank hair falling to hide his face. "But where is he?" The last was said quite plaintively and Tatsuha's heart broke.

He leant forward so his brow rested again his brother's, trying not to weep for him. "You have to believe," he whispered brokenly. "Don't stop believing."

They remained like that, the two siblings, dark and light hair mingling, sharing the pain. Eiri was the first to move away, jerking back suddenly and swaying a little so Hiro took a tighter grip on him, steadying him. His face was distorted with pain and anger. "It's all a lie! You're all lying to me!" he exclaimed, swinging at Tatsuha. "He's not coming back. He's never coming back to me!"

Hiro did his best to try and restrain the suddenly struggling body as he flailed at his brother who was unable to duck quickly enough to avoid a fist that landed squarely on one cheek and knocking him backward against the high side of the bath. Tatsuha felt a stab of pain shoot through one shoulder from the impact and winced.

"Yuki!" Hiro shouted, encircling the taller man and pinning his arms to his sides as he still twisted and turned, eyes filled with concern for Tatsuha. "Yuki!"

Tatsuha struggled to his feet and propelled himself back to his brother, reaching out to place both hands on either side of his face, holding it steady and forcing him to look him in the eyes. "Eiri, he will come back!" he almost screamed, trying to get through to his brother. "He promised you!"

"He left!" Eiri denied violently, refusing to listen, refusing to believe. "I've got nothing to give him. Why would he come back to me?" Now the real fear showed. Eiri's fears that his own failings were what was keeping Shuichi from him. That this was still all his fault. Tatsuha couldn't let him continue to think that. At that moment, he could almost hate Shuichi for leaving Eiri like this, however irrational that was.

"Because he promised!" Tatsuha said fiercely. "He promised and in sprit form he can't lie! He'll come back!"

"When?" Eiri's voice broke again as all the fight seemed to drain out of him. "When? It's been so long!"

Tatsuha stroked the side of his face, gently wiping away tears. "When he can," was all he could offer. He motioned with his head to Hiro, indicating they should leave the cramped bathroom and between the two of them they managed to navigate the hall to the bedroom. Tatsuha gave his brother one more careful wipe over with the towel to ensure he was completely dry, then they carefully sat and rolled his long frame onto the bed before gently covering him so he wouldn't be chilled.

"Why won't he come back?" Tatsuha heard Eiri whisper in a slurred voice. "Why won't he come back? I'm waiting for him."

Tatsuha smoothed his hair back from his brow, already noting that the eyes were already closed. "He will. Someday." he whispered quietly back, leaning in close to place a gentle kiss on one white cheek. "You'll see." He stood, careful not to rock the bed, and tiptoed out of the room with Hiro close behind then closed the door quietly.

"Do you really believe that?" Hiro said softly as they made their way to the kitchen.

"Yes," Tatsuha replied, though perhaps not as confidently as he should have been. "Do you want a beer or a coffee?" he asked, opening the fridge.

"Coffee," Hiro replied. "I've still to ride."

"Humph," Tatsuha replied. "Well, I need something stronger." he said, grabbing a beer though he did withdraw the milk also for Hiro.

As he put on the water to boil Hiro spoke again. "So why do you think Shu hasn't come back?"

"How should I know?" Tatsuha looked at him a little defensively.

"Because you are a monk," Hiro pointed out, seating himself.

"Doesn't mean I know everything,"

"No, but you'd have a better idea than the rest of us."

Tatsuha sighed, "I really don't, Hiro," He ran fingers through his hair in evident frustration. "I could understand him coming back. He loved my brother so much that it really didn't surprise me. Why he's gone now? I don't know. It seemed as though he had to for some reason but he also seemed just as adamant that he would return."

"What could be taking him so long?" Hiro questioned as Tatsuha turned to the boiling water and began to make his coffee. They were both completely at home in Yuki's apartment, having spent more than one night watching over the novelist.

"No idea. This isn't really something I've had a lot of experience in, you know."

"What about your father?" Hiro asked.

Tatsuha screwed up his nose a little. "He can't help either. I asked." He confirmed answering Hiro's questioning look.

"Does he believe Shu came back?"

"Actually, yes," was Tatsuha's surprising answer. "He does believe in that sort of thing and has seen plenty of similar things so he did believe me."

"And does he have any ides of what's going on now?"

Tatsuha took another swallow of beer. "He says not,"

Hiro looked at him over the rim of the cup. "He says…does that mean you don't believe him?"

Tats grimaced. "I don't know. I just feel that he knows something more that he's not saying."

"Like what?"

Tatsuha shrugged. "I wish I knew. Maybe then I could help Eiri." He looked complete defeated. "Do you think he'll be okay?" he asked glancing towards the darkened passage leading to the bedroom.

Hiro nodded. "He always has been." he said.

"But this has been the worst he's been since.." Tatsuha said worriedly.

Hiro frowned. "True. I think we've got to concentrate on reminding him that Shu did promise to come back. Keep him focused on that."

"It's a long time for someone to believe in nothing more than a wish," Tatsuha said quietly.

"But it's the only thing that's probably keeping him alive, isn't it?"

Tatsuha sighed. "Yeah, most likely it is." he acknowledged grimly, not wanting to even think about the consequences if Eiri gave up completely.

Hiro pushed his chair back and stood. "I'm going to head off," he stated, picking up his helmet and jacket. "I'll borrow your bike and pick you up from here in the morning."

"Yeah, sure, no problem." The two of them had often ridden each other's bikes depending upon the circumstances so he was quite comfortable with Hiro taking his tonight.

"Okay, see you tomorrow." Hiro opened the front door and paused for a moment, casting a quick glance back down the darkened passage way. "Keep an eye on him and give me a call if you run into any trouble."

"I will," Tatsuha confirmed although he didn't think there would be any further disturbances from Eiri. It was highly unlikely that his brother would even wake up till well in tomorrow afternoon, by which time Mika would be here to look after him whilst Tatsuha had to return to work.

"Right. Take care." And Hiro closed the door softly behind him.

Tatsuha listened as Hiro's footsteps faded away and sighed as he switched off the slights and slumped down on the couch. "Where are you, Shuichi?" he whispered into the stillness. "When are you going to come back? Eiri needs you so bad."

He sighed again, and then swung his legs up onto the couch, rearranging some cushions behind his head and trying to make himself comfortable. Another night of sleeping on this instead of his nice soft bed. What a pain.

He rolled over and closed his eyes, snuggling a little deeper, feeling sleep tugging at his mind. As he drifted off into slumber he thought he heard an almost inaudible whisper, "I'm coming", and then darkness enfolded him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author:** JadeHeart  
**Fandom:** Gravitation  
**Warnings:** bad language, reference to alcoholism

**Author's Notes: F**or those that celebrate this festive season, may you have a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and may 2007 be filled with joy for you all!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'. And Iwaki and Katou belong to 'Embracing Love' by Youka Nitta.

The Whisper at My Side: Chapter 5

Tatsuha watched his older brother frowning as his young niece crawled all over him, using him alternatively as a springboard or a climbing range. For all that Eiri scowled fiercely at her and appeared to try to shrug her off, when she came too close to the pond's edge nearby his large hands were always there to steady and protect her from possible harm.

He couldn't help his lips from smiling. For all Eiri volubly and vehemently voiced his dislike for children, including his own niece and nephews, he was actually a perfect uncle; not too overbearing or having any expectations of them. Children liked him, seeming able to see trough the cold icy and distant aloofness to the warm heart that beat beneath. Eiri's bluntness didn't repel children as it did adults, perhaps because children also could be just as unwittingly direct. Generally they were far more honest in their opinion of things and people, not yet restricted by the constraints and expectations of polite society. This was probably why children liked Eiri and appeared to be able to relate to him, knowing that despite the rough exterior he would never actually harm them.

As Tatsuha watched, his niece was clinging around Eiri's neck, giggling madly whilst Eiri sat there were an expression of great suffering. He grinned, and wished he had a video camera at times like this. It was perfect blackmail material if he ever needed his brother to do anything for him.

"You haven't told him, have you?"

A voice broke into his thoughts. He turned to look over his shoulder, seeing his sister leaning against the door frame on the other side of the room, arms crossed. The pose was so familiar, one he had seen Eiri in many times and one he had seen even in his own mirror.

He was struck once again at just how similar they all were; all the Uesagi siblings. Their features were almost identical, only slightly softened on Mika, but then Tatsuha had often wondered if he or Eiri grew their hair long if it wouldn't have the same effect. Even their body types were almost the same; Mika unfortunately wasn't so well-endowed that if she didn't dress to accentuate those attributes that she couldn't be mistaken for a slim good-looking boy. Not that he would ever dream of mentioning that to her! He valued his skin, and more importantly, his reproductive organs. Mika wasn't called a 'ball buster' for nothing!

Only Tohma seemed to have mastered control over his head-strong and volatile sister, but then Tohma had realized long ago that to master her he had to be prepared to relinquish some control to her as well. Their courtship and marriage had always been a fine balance like this but it seemed to work for them. Many couples that had to live with the strain and pressures of their careers and family might not have survived, but for both Mika and Tohma it had only seemed to make them more determined to strive to go beyond as that and create their own Utopia. Neither of them liked to lose so perhaps that is what made them such a perfect match.

Tatsuha hoped to one day be able to find a partner just as suitable for him, and gender didn't matter. But he had realized that he had almost been spoilt by those closest to him in his search for a perfect partner. With role models such as Tohma and Mika, and even Yuki and Shuichi's bizarre relationship, not to mention Hiro and Ayaka's steady and solid relationship, all these combinations of what could make a partnership work meant that a potential partner had a hell of a lot to live up to. Not to mention that they would have to be able to put up with all these differing personalities of the closest people in his life, and that was a big ask of anyone! He sighed softly. He wondered if he would ever be able to find someone as suitable for him.

"Told him what?" He finally remembered to address Mika's question.

"What you heard." she said, striding into the room to come and stand next to him. A soft smile touched her previously stem features as her gaze was drawn to the window by the joyous laughter of her daughter playing. It warmed his heart. He thought his sister never looked so beautiful as when she watched her children. They brought out her softer side as nothing else could.

"What I heard?" He was at a loss as to what she was referring.

She looked across at him with an expression that said he was being particularly dense, even more so than usual. Tatsuha felt himself wither under that look. Even after all these years there were still times she could make him feel like he was five years old again and caught with his hand in the sweets jar.

She let out a deep sigh and rolled her eyes seeing that the blank expression on her brother's face hadn't changed and, for once, truly was sincere. "Shuichi," she prodded. "Remember? You heard him."

Ah - Tatsuha dredged back through his memory. He remembered it would have been about two years ago, after dealing with another of Eiri's drunken escapades, thinking he had heard a voice whisper to him just as he fell asleep. It had said, 'I'm coming', as though in answer to his desperate question that night, one he had thought purely rhetorical and certainly not expecting an actual answer to it. He had remembered his mind grasping after that tendril of soft thought, and had thought that he had heard, even more faintly, the last words, 'I'm here'. Then exhaustion had stolen his consciousness.

He remembered waking the next morning from a restless night, the dreams that had plagued him fading with waking but still leaving fragments of memory of running, chasing after something that seemed to be always just ahead of him, searching for something desperately and every now and then thinking he had it finally in his grasp only to have it slip away. He remembered feeling as though he was following something, or someone, who always seemed just out of reach, tantalizingly so, but he couldn't not continue to seek for it. And all the time there had seemed to be a soft voice, words that he couldn't truly hear or comprehend but were there none the less, a voice that was reassuring him, telling him…..something. A sense of waiting, of wanting, and of expectation.

He had fully awoken then, still sleep dazed, and uncertain if it had been real, if he had really heard anything the night before, or if it had been nothing more than a product of his own imagination, a sign of his own extreme stress at that time. However, those vague disturbing feelings left over from his dreams had continued to nag at him all that day and the day after. So much so that he had finally spoken to Mika, telling her everything.

He had thought that she would just laugh it off, dismissing it out of hand being the practical person that she is. Instead she had heard him out uninterrupted and then stood there silently giving it serious thought, until finally saying, 'I guess it's possible.'.

When he had looked at her with shock she had simply gazed back steadily and shrugged, "You are the only one, apart from Eiri, that could really sense Shuichi. Eiri did say that he was beginning to talk to him a little."

"But why to me?" he had said. "Why not Eiri? Surely he would have been the more logical choice."

Mika had sighed sadly. "Do you think he would have been in any fit state to hear?" she had said a little sadly.

Tatsuha realized that could have very well been the case. Eiri's soiled state of mind, body and spirit would have hardly made him ideal for receiving messages from the otherside. So perhaps Shuichi hadn't been able to communicate with Eiri at that time, leaving him as the only other option.

But that still didn't explain what he had meant by his brief message, and it had all been a long time ago.

"So why haven't you told him?" Mika brought him back to the present once more.

He half shrugged. "Do you really think he would listen to me?" he said, nodding towards the window through which they could see their brother sitting.

"Maybe," Mika replied.

"Yeah, maybe, but do you really think that it would be the best thing for him? It's taken nearly two years to get him back to something resembling normal. If I had told him back then, and still nothing happened, what state do you think he would be in now?"

Mika frowned, worry creasing her brow. "You may be right," she admitted reluctantly. "It was hard enough to try and get him back to this." She turned back to her youngest brother. "So there's been nothing since?"

Tatsuha shook his head. "No,"

Mika sighed. "What the hell is going on?" she murmured quietly, clearly frustrated. "How is Eiri supposed to keep going? How is he supposed to keep hoping?"

Tatsuha mirrored her shrug. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I don't understand any of this myself, but if I did hear right then Shuichi is still around, he's not gone completely. We've just got to figure out what it means."

A peal of laughter, followed by a loud growl, drew his attention to the scene outside once more. Despite the scowl, Eiri did look almost normal, a far cry from the rapid decline he had gone through only a few years ago.

"Do you think I should tell him now?" he asked his sister, needing her support and wisdom.

Mika was silent for a time then answered slowly, "No, I don't think so."

It was obviously said with some reluctance. Tatsuha felt some relief at her agreement.

"Let's just make certain we are there to support him in this. We don't need a repeat of the last eight years." She turned away from the window purposefully and began to walk away. "Asame will be home from school any minute, and no doubt will be hungry."

Tatsuha smiled as he looked after her. "Does that mean I get snacks too?"

Mika glared at him. "Only if you can beat my son, and that's before the other one gets home as well!" she said as she left him.

Tatsuha chuckled. Mika and Tohma's second oldest was their son Asame, who was now about eight, and like most boys that age seemed perpetually hungry. Their eldest, Hayate, at age ten, generally came home later as he went straight from school to kendo classes and was also like a hungry locust when he walked in the door. It had become a bit of game between he and his nephews as to whether he managed to score enough snacks before them. On top of dodging the wooden spoon that Mika wielded against him, accompanied by her indignant cries of stealing the food from her children's mouths. Oh, yes, time for the games to begin! He turned to follow after his sister as he fully intended to be ready and waiting to partake of any delicacies that Mika intended putting out for her children.

Yuki continued to put up with his niece's boisterous antics, deep down reveling in it. He frowned at her, not that she paid any attention to him. In some ways it was nice that there was someone who didn't take him too seriously.

It was very pleasant outside at the moment. Summer was only just beginning so it hadn't grown unbearably hot, although there was always the pool of cool water before him to cool down in if he had wished. Of course, the koi probably wouldn't appreciate it much. Humph, he snorted to himself. They were nothing but food anyway. He had never quite got with the view of how special they were supposed to be. They were fish, for gods sake! Sashimi in the making!

Still, currently the weather was pleasant, the sun was out, the sky was blue, a light breeze rustling through the trees, all the usual clichés in full force. It was almost enough to make him heave.

A movement out of the corner of his eye drew his gaze back to the lightly rippling water. A very pale shape swirled lightly on the surface, its edges tinged brown. A last cherry blossom petal, burnt by the increasing heat, and probably been caught in something up since it hadn't been blown completely away before now. He watched it pushed along lightly before drifting to the edge of the rocks where a hungry koi lipped at it, dragging it beneath the surface.

This year had been the first he had witnessed the first awakening of the cherry blossoms for many years. It had previously been nothing more than an excuse to have a few drinks and he hadn't really bothered attending the ordinary festivities that went with it much of the time. He had looked upon it as more of a nuisance than anything else and the crowds had done nothing but annoy him.

However, this year it had seemed… appropriate somehow. It was like it was a coming out event for him, an expression of his re-entering the world of the living once more. He had not protested when Mika had insisted he accompany them that evening. The children didn't stay awake the whole time, of course, no matter how hard the oldest had tried to be grown up and to do so. Eventually they had all succumbed to sleep, curled up like puppies, side by side, limbs sprawled across each other.

Even Mika had napped a little, nestled on Tohma's shoulder, her face serene and relaxed in slumber. Tohma's arm had automatically encircled her protectively, cradling her, holding her close, the other hand lightly resting on the ground behind where his small brood lay. Tohma never made grand gestures, but nothing else could have given a more clearer indication of his deep love for his family. In fact, it was a scene that Yuki had often drawn out to remember since that time; a vision of love, of family, Tohma, Mika and their three children all gathered together in one place and at peace with each other. He needed those moments in his life.

It wasn't just being with them that had made it special that night. He had sat there in the dark, candles burning dimly and shielded from the night wind. He had smoked as he sipped the sake, moderately so, unlike what he may have done once. He still found his metabolism and body kicked occasionally when he subjected it to alcohol. Not surprising considering the abuse he had put it through over the last few years.

He wasn't usually one to look backwards, dwelling on the past, and to be perfectly honest, he would be battling to even say what he had done for six years of his life. Well, not the whole six years.

When Shuichi had left him again he had managed for almost the next two years. He had stayed positive, as positive as he normally was, kept going, doing what he normally did.

By the third year, with still no sign from Shuichi, his resolve had begun to falter. His bad days became more frequent, his spells of despair, longer. He had found solace in the bottom of a bottle to begin with, only sometimes at first, but by the fourth year this was becoming almost all the time. He was constantly searching for something to deaden the pain, the endless ache deep in his chest that never seemed to go away and just seemed to grow with the passing of time.

After that, well, he couldn't remember much of anything. When he tried to, he didn't know if it were true memories or drunken hallucinations. Those last few years were just a blur, a mish-mash of sound, colour and movement that he couldn't separate or decipher.

How low he sank he actually didn't know. He did know that his first clear memories once more were of a sterile while environment and tubes dangling from arms, nose and mouth. As well as straps around his limbs anchoring him to the bed.

He had been placed in a very exclusive and extremely private rehabilitation centre which was also a private hospital. It was so exclusive that no-one could be bribed to divulge the names of patients so his presence was not known to the outside world. He had spent the next eighteen months there; that he did remember. He had been treated well as he had slowly clawed his way back from his drunken world, no longer able to escape into those false memories and events, no longer plagued by the demons and alcohol-induced nightmares that soon had followed the illusionary dreams of solace.

During that convalescence he had been visited by a number of people; Mika and Tohma of course, although the children had never accompanied them. Not that he would have wanted them to have seen him like that. It was during that time that he had leant that he even had a niece, little Kaori. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't even remember seeing Mika pregnant.

Tatsuha also visited; a breath of fresh air from the somberness and kindness showered on him. His brother's wicked humour was a welcome relief when he felt he would slip once more into oblivion. Tatsuha helped keep him grounded in the real world, at least his world of sex, rock and roll, and humorous exploits.

Another unexpected visitor had been Hiroshi Nakano. Yuki had thought he had been hallucinating once more when the lean red-head had strode through his door. His disbelief must have been visible as Hiro had grinned and held out an arm saying, "You can pinch me, if you like!". He had been temped to do just that but hadn't wanted to show his insecurity by doing so. Talking to a figment of his imagination was better than admitting that!

However Hiro was completely real and certainly in the flesh. It had surprised him at how at ease he felt with the other's presence, something he would have thought impossible with a stranger. But then it became a little clearer as Hiro's talks and visits continued that the man was no stranger to him and his past exploits. In fact, it was Hiro who told him bluntly just how much effort his bother had gone to in helping him, something Tatsuha had never really let on up till then.

All of that had finally been enough to make him realize he had to get his act back together. That and Hiro telling him what a fuck wit he was, and a pathetic loser for giving up and breaking his promise to Shuichi. He had replied - well, shouted - that it was all a crock of shit, where Hiro then said – shouted - back that how did he know and when had Shuichi ever lied to him. To which Yuki couldn't reply as he couldn't remember once when Shuichi had.

Hiro had then pinned him with that steely gaze, the same one he had fixed Yuki with after learning of Shuichi's rape, and told him that if he didn't have the guts to keep his word to Shuichi then he could just self-destruct but do it quickly and not be so selfish as to drag everyone else down with him.

He had wanted to respond in his usual manner, telling Hiro that he hadn't asked anyone else to get involved, but even he couldn't condone his actions any longer. He may have not asked anyone to help him but he could also not expect them to just sit back and watch his downhill slide without lifting a finger; it went completely against their characters.

On top of that Hiro just shrugged his shoulders and informed him, "Don't think it was all for you." He had snarled, glaring at Yuki lying in the bed. "We did it for Shuichi because we believe in him even if you don't!"

That had made him think hard during the course of the long dark nights following. How could he doubt Shuichi when so many others didn't? How could he, who was supposed to be his partner, his lover, be the first to give up on him? He felt very small after that in finally realising just how little faith he had in Shuichi, and not just in him, but in their love, their bond. He had been prepared to throw all that away without another thought. He had cried hot angry tears then, thoroughly ashamed, and that had goaded him into deciding he would recover from his current state.

That didn't mean that there still weren't bad days during that time. There were, but thankfully they continued to decrease in number until he had reached this stage, where he no longer had bad days but merely bad hours, which were far easier to handle.

Once he had left the hospital he had returned to his apartment to find he had a new housemate. Tatsuha moved in with him, claiming it was time he broadened his horizons, and with a wink and a wicked smile he also added that the walls of Yuki's place were thicker than at home and the noise wasn't likely to carry as much.

Yuki hadn't been in any condition to argue just then, and Tatsuha had wasted no time in testing the acoustics and sound-proofing of his apartment which began to drive him crazy as he began to feel better over time. However it was too late, by that time Tatsuha was well and truly entrenched and not to be budged, no matter how much he threatened, pleaded and begged.

Yuki would never admit it but he had been grateful for his brother's presence during those first months. If he had been left alone he feared he would have quickly slipped back to his former state. It would have been too easy to have succumbed to the darkness that seemed to perpetually hover around the edges of his psyche, tempting him to return to 'the dark side'. Tatsuha's constant good cheer was the only thing to stave it off at times and although Yuki had never said anything to him, Tatsuha seemed to somehow sense when it was very bad and would stay home with him, sitting up all night as they just talked, watched TV or listened to music. Afterwards, Yuki would once again feel the darkness recede and he could breathe freely again, and with a sleepy smile and a yawn Tatsuha would take himself off to bed.

Soon he began to find the courage to venture beyond the safe confines of his apartment and go out into the world once more. He even visited Kyoto a number of times, returning home and staying with his father, surprisingly with few arguments. It was as if his father was trying his best to not create any further aggravation, a concession that Yuki had been surprised by and a little pleased as well.

However most of his time he spent with Mika and Tohma, getting to know his nephews and niece. It had felt quite strange spending time with the children, relaxing yet exhausting at the same time. Out of them all only the oldest, Hayate, had even met Shuichi, and he had been too young to remember his encounter with 'Uncle Shuichi'.

Yet, for all they had never known him, Mika and Tohma had obviously not been hesitant in telling them about Shuichi's presence in Yuki's life. As Mika had said with a shrug when he had confronted her over it, "He was an important part in your life -and still is. They need to understand that."

He still wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not that the kids knew. He had been wary at first, afraid of what they might try asking him. But surprisingly their questions weren't intrusive, merely feeding their curiousity in wanting to know how he and Shuichi had met, what they did, where they went. After a while he realised that it seemed to help to talk about Shuichi, to be able to discuss their life together to people who didn't judge or had no preconceived, prejudged or prejudiced ideas about them. In some ways it was almost soothing to do so, but only to them. If anyone else had asked these questions as in an adult, they would have been met by his usual stony silence. It was simply not something he could speak to any other adult. And the openness with which the children accepted his stories and the happiness they expressed on his behalf was more healing than anything else. Somehow it seemed as though just by talking about him that Shuichi wasn't so far away from him anymore.

So gradually he began to rebuild his life, to be able to face the world once more and see it for what it was, and learn to live in it once more. Gradually he no longer needed Tatsuha to drag him out of the house but could take himself and find that he could survive the experience and return in one piece. Gradually he was able to hold a normal conversation, interact with people around him and even look forward to the following day without a feeling of dread or despair.

He had been hoping to return to work but that hadn't been as easy. Not surprising really. He had been absent for six years, generally a death sentence for a writer as their fan base would move on apart from some of the true die-hards. He didn't even know if he could return to his writing, at least not writing about the same thing as he once had.

So when he had taken the first step in contacting Mizuki it had been with some trepidation. Her greeting to him had been heartfelt and sincere, her joy evident in her voice. She had obviously known something about his absence and he guessed that Tohma had kept her apprised of the bare bones of the matter at least, if not all the sordid details.

When he had half expressed his concerns, she had agreed immediately that it would probably take some effort to build sales back up. But it was then that he had found out that he hadn't been entirely forgotten during his absence.

Without his knowledge, two movies had been made of his books, adaptations to the big screen and both had done surprisingly well. Especially the second which had been slightly modified so the heroine became another hero and so it was a love story between two males.

He had been so stunned when he had first been told that he could barely take it all in. Firstly, that the films would be made without his permission in the first place, which was soon explained with the signature of Tohma Seguchi who had long ago been appointed power of attorney and had never been revoked. He couldn't be angry at Toham's high-handed treatment. Not only had he ensured that the name of Eiri Yuki remained in people's minds during these past years, but also that Yuki had become even more wealthy which had been a good thing considering the expense of staying in the hospital he had been. Not that he had any doubts that Tohma would have footed the bill if need be. Tohma had also liaised with everything to do with the films, from marketing, casting, merchandise and advertising. And he had ensured NG Productions had exclusive control over the soundtrack for the movies, which proved a launching pad for two new bands for the Company.

So none of that was an issue, and not surprising. However, the changes made for the second film were. Upon finding out he had immediately spoken to Tohma, demanding to know what the hell he had been thinking and sounding almost like normal. Tohma had calmly asked if Yuki had seen it yet, and when he had replied in the negative, had promptly turned up on his doorstep with a disk in hand and dinner in the other.

Yuki had then sat and watched in fascination. Seeing his story come to life on the big screen, or at least on his 75 inch TV, was something of a shock and yet a hidden delight also. Still he had been a little uncomfortable in watching the two male stars portraying the lead characters, but by the end he had to admit that they had played it plausibly.

"Where did you get them?" he had asked Tohma as the credits rolled.

Tohma was leaning back comfortably in the corner of the couch. "They have become somewhat of a celebrity couple over the past few years." he replied. "What did you think of their performance?"

Yuki would have liked to have said he had hated it but he couldn't in all honesty. "They were pretty good," he grudgingly admitted. "I wouldn't have thought two guys could have pulled that story off successfully. It was one of the more romantic, and sexual, books I've written."

Tohma smiled serenely, looking for all the world like a very pleased and well fed cat. "That is why I believed that they were the best choice for the parts. They are ex-AV actors after all."

Yuki had almost choked on the enoki mushrooms he had just placed in his mouth. "What?!"

"Oh, yes," Tohma continued, completely unconcerned. "They started off in that industry, though both have now been involved in more serious and mainstream roles."

Yuki managed to swallow his mouthful and washed it down with a gulp of tea before speaking. "I guess that does explain why they were so convincing in the sex scenes, though I'm surprised they were able to balance the romance also. AV's usually just about fake sound effects, bored expressions, not to mention very bad acting."

"Well, the romance would have come naturally to them. They are partners after all."

Yuki stared at Tohma, certain now that he was just trying to mess with his mind. Tohma seemed to be able to read his thoughts and held out a hand in a gesture of peace.

"It's quite true. Kyosuke Iwaki and Youji Katou are a recognized couple. They live not that far from the studio and are even married. That is why they were so eager to do the roles. It was a perfect opportunity to be able to act together in this way once more. Their first film break had been in "Haru Wo Daiteita' in which they played lovers so they were keen to do so again."

"And the public didn't mind?" Yuki asked with some skepticism.

"There will, of course, always be a portion of the community who will not approve. However, by having your name attached to the film and it being an adaptation of one of your books, people seemed to accept the change far more easily." Tohma quirked an eyebrow at him. "Perhaps because your books focus far more on the romance and not just the sex that people were able to accept the film, no matter who, or what gender, played the roles."

It had been a real eye opener for him over all this, so when Tohma said that talks were currently under way about a tentative third movie, he decided that he wanted to be more involved right from the start. It had been the first big step he had made to re-entering the public arena and he had been surprised at his boldness and the lack of fear at the thought. He had found Tohma's knowing smile more than a little irritating.

The other good thing about a third movie being negotiated, was that it also meant that he would have a little more breathing space in trying to produce another book. Tohma had quietly indicated that it would be well worthwhile for some pre-advertising for the potential new film to see what response they got which would place them in a stronger bargaining position. He even suggested a re-release of the other two films as a special event, running them as a marathon with Yuki's attendance. Perhaps even an joint interview with the previous actors, as their popularity was so high at present so it could only do them good. Yuki hesitated in committing to that. A part of him still felt it was far too early to throw himself fully back into the limelight but he had to admit to himself that he felt a little exhilarated by the thought also. Tohma seemed to sense he was holding back and had not insisted.

So things had continued from there. The third film was now confirmed, the contract signed and discussions were underway in developing the script and considering casting. Tohma was running it all efficiently as always and Yuki found he was drawn further and further into the transactions and actually enjoying it.

He disengaged his niece's hand from his hair, placing her once more on the ground and off his back as she laughed at him. However, what he enjoyed more were just days like this. Days where he could be himself, relax in the presence of those he trusted, with no worries, no concerns, no pressure. It was on days like this that his world seemed so much better.

A firm tug on his ear made him let out a sharp "Ow!!", and he glared down at the beaming face of Kaori, one small hand still firmly attached to the portion of his anatomy that she had assaulted.

"Stop that!" he said, trying to disengage her fingers whilst she giggled at him. The more he tried to detach her, the more she seemed to manage to wriggle around and avoid him, and although her grip on his ear had released, her tiny grasping hands seemed determined to find as many other things she could hang onto as possible. All of which were portions of him.

He finally managed to ensure she was not holding onto anything and placed both hands around her small waist, lifting her skywards above his head. She squealed and laughed joyously, a broad smile splitting her face, chubby arms and legs waving in delight.

Yuki gazed up her, frowning, keeping out of the way of those still grasping hands. "Stop squirming, brat." he said to her.

She laughed again and he felt a wet splotch on his check and grimaced. Great, he thought, nose wrinkling in disgust. Nothing like kid drool to liven up my day!

"Uncle Eiri!" He heard the call at the same time he heard the crunch of the pebbled path and looking up, whilst keeping a firm grip on the hem of little Kaori's dress so she couldn't get up to any trouble while he had his eyes off her, he saw his nephew approaching.

Asame didn't rush forward and throw himself at his uncle as Kaori would have. At eight years old he considered himself already too old for that behaviour, at least when there was company, for following close behind was another boy dressed in the same school uniform.

Kaori let out a happy cry and began struggling to free herself, causing Yuki to look down, distracted. He sighed and released her, watching her throw herself with wild abandon at her older brother, who stooped down to catch her. All the children were very close and Kaori adored both her big brothers.

In some ways he was glad that Kaori was the youngest, being the only girl. That meant that she could just be herself as she grew up and have two brothers to help look after her. It would be far different for her than it had been for her mother. Watching the two children together reminded him of his own childhood and how close he had been to his siblings. He still was in a way, but that easy relationship that had existed in childhood innocence had never been fully recovered in their adult years. Yuki found he regretted that more often now when seeing his niece and nephews together and he hoped that nothing would shatter this bond they shared. Of course, with parents like Tohma and Mika it was unlikely that anything would occur to harm them in any way. Their parents would see to that - and woe betide anyone who thought to get in their way!

Kaori chatted away in the continuous babble that only a four year old could maintain with Asame looking down and listening intently as he held her hand and walked back to Yuki. He thought most of it was just meaningless gabble but Asame seemed to have no trouble deciphering the meaning, or at least did a very good job of pretending he understood it all. When they were closer Kaori detached herself from Asame and threw herself back at Yuki, immediately climbing into his lap and sitting there as though she were a queen on her throne.

"Get off me, you monkey," he growled, even though his hands were out and supporting her gently. She just giggled back at him. Typical, he thought grumpily. I can't even make one small brat pay attention. I never was good at making brats do anything I said!

"Are you staying for dinner, Uncle?" Asame asked, halting before his seated relative.

Yuki looked up briefly and answered shortly, "Yes," before turning his attention back to Kaori who was attempting to clamber up on his shoulders.

"That's great!" Asame seemed sincerely happy about that. "May I present to you my classmate and friend? Shuusei, this is my uncle, Eiri Uesagi."

Yuki glanced across to be greeted by the top of an already bowed head so was unable to glimpse the face. At least the kid was polite, he thought, distractedly.

"Pleased to meet you," a quiet voice said. "It is an honour."

Damn, really polite, he thought. Guess not all of this generation has gone to hell!

"Yeah, likewise." he responded curtly, not caring that he was being hypocritical by not extending the same courtesy. "So you go to school with Asame, huh?"

"Yes, honoured sir," the small soft voice said, still from the low bowed position.

This show of subservience began to irritate Yuki, who was not one to stand on ceremony at any time. "Oh, for fucks sake, just stand up will you!" He snapped, unthinkingly breaking his promise to Mika to not swear in front of the children.

The head was raised and he saw the face for the first time.

He froze, his blood seeming to halt in his veins. He felt his world turn, his vision clouding and a sense of falling down into a deep dark well. As if from a great distance he heard Asame calling out, "Mother! Mother!", and Kaori's cries.

But the only thing that he truly could see was what was before him. He found himself staring into the largest eyes he had seen for a long time. Large eyes, in a colour he had only ever seen once before. Large eyes that looked back at him with more years and knowledge than the physical form could have experienced.

Two amethyst eyes gazed back at him until they faded from sight as the darkness claimed him once more.


End file.
